When running is so much more than just about....running. Part 1 of 2.

Post NYCM with my coach, Caolan and Sandra

As the four year anniversary of working with my running coach rolls around, I was reflecting on what a journey it’s been. When I signed up to work with her, all I wanted was to be able to run ONE marathon without getting hurt. That’s it. It was supposed to be a one and done plan, a one and done working with her. But somewhere along the way, I found what running was really all about for me. It’s not about medals. It’s not about PR’ing every race. It’s not about impressing someone with my miles. It’s not about weight loss. It’s not even about running. It runs much deeper than that. Through working with her and through the last four years of reaching far outside my comfort zone, I found myself. I am able to stand straighter, look at myself in the mirror and like who I see. I’m able to think outside the box. I have confidence I didn’t have before. I’ve been able to make scary decisions and see where life takes me. I have learned to persevere. To have grit. And I’ve learned that when things get tough, I have the mental fortitude to stay strong and walk through them with grace. That’s why I say I can never repay my coach for what she’s given me – far beyond running. My coach believed in me until I could believe in myself. That is a gift that continues to keep on giving. 

This photo captured my true emotions that day

In 2014, I signed up to work with this total stranger towards my goal of running a marathon. I had never met her in person, never talked to her on the phone and we lived several states away. The idea of an online coach freaked out me and I thought there was no way it would be as good as working with someone in person. But I figured that what I was doing currently wasn’t working so why not take a chance? My goal was to get through the Portland Marathon that October in one piece. Notice my phrasing “get through”. Because that is what running used to be for me. Something to get through. Training was simply an ends to a mean – a race of some sort. I would plod along, dutifully putting in my miles but never really being present for them. I ran that marathon. It was a trainwreck of epic proportions. Not because of my training or coaching but for reasons that ran much deeper than that. Personal reasons which I won’t go into. I accomplished my “bucket list” item of running a marathon. That should be it, right? End of story. End of working with said coach. Not so fast. Little did I know it would be far from the end of anything.

Having fun on the NYC marathon course

I stopped running for a couple months after that marathon. I was depressed and going through some personal issues in my life. I hid from my coach; even though she kept sending me weekly schedules, I was not really doing the training. After the first week of December passed, I pulled my head out of my ass and found my way back to her. And to my life. I had already signed up for Portland that following year (because that is the insanity that is running – you have a train wreck of a race and hate every minute then sign up the moment they open for registration that next year). So I stayed with her to put in some solid training and see what I could do when I didn’t have my head up my ass. One little hitch – I had forgotten that I threw my name into the New York City marathon lottery. And guess whose name was drawn?? Great, right? Except that it was exactly 28 days after Portland. Here I was, having run one disastrous marathon and being a former injury prone runner….now faced with the dilemma of running two marathons just four weeks apart. People do it all the time, right? What is the big deal? Well, everyone is not me. I was paranoid of getting injured again (I had been badly injured through a lot of 2013 and didn't want to revisit that). My coach and I discussed my options and we decided that I would train and race Portland hard then run New York as sort of a “recovery” run. Haha. A marathon as a recovery run. That sounded ridiculous but I figured I didn’t have anything to lose. So now, this one-time, bucket list marathoner would be running two marathons a month apart for a total of three marathons.

Mile 26 of the Portland Marathon

Pops was with me every step of the way

I PR’d Portland by 34 minutes, taking my time from 6 hours to 5:26. Then four weeks later, ran New York in 5:54 which was still faster than my first marathon even though I was so far from recovered, it wasn’t even funny. However, to my surprise, I was able to run an easy 30 minutes just a few days post New York – no pain, no soreness and best of all, no injuries! How would the next year top that? Well, 2016 would prove to be even better with bigger, scarier goals. It would be a year that would make me realize I’m braver than I believe, stronger than I seem and smarter than I think (to quote Christopher Robbin).  

Running Down a Dream at the Chicago Marathon

I have wanted to run with Team in Training for the Leukemia Society for a few years now. My father in law was diagnosed in the mid-2000’s with AML and I always thought it would be one way I could support him. On October 8^th of this year, I finally was able to realize that dream. Last year when I signed on with TNT to run the Chicago marathon, I knew it was going to be an interesting training cycle. I registered in November then had surgery in December and promptly started training for my first half Ironman on February 1^st. I had already calculated that between the weeks of recovery I knew coach would give me post half Ironman plus the 2-3 weeks of taper that I usually do for my marathons, it was leaving me with about 9 to 10 weeks of actual training. This is far less than what I am used to. Yes, I did a half Ironman in June but the amount of running required for that is nowhere near what a marathon training cycle entails. My miles in July didn’t even total 70. So with that being said, I trained for Chicago without any real expectations. I wasn’t sure how race day would go and frankly, I was running this in memory of my father in law who had passed away from leukemia two years prior. Which is why I was running with Team in Training for the LLS. The amount of support I received from people who had never even met me was amazing – I received numerous donations from folks I only knew through Facebook and that included a $250 anonymous donation. I was touched that so many contributed and made Chicago possible for me. It will be appreciated more than you know.

My mom passed away in 2009 and this Wonder Woman made me cry <3 

So as training progressed and I ran a hilly 18 miler that felt amazing, my mind started to think that I might actually be able to PR this race. I had not been training to PR nor was it really the focus for me. But after that run, I realized that I was in a position to PR. Unfortunately, the Chicago weather had other ideas. As I begin my obsessive weather checking a month out….yes, I said a month out….lol….I realized it was probably going to warmer than I would like. I don’t tend to run well in temps over 65 degrees. And it was going to be close to that at the START. Ugh. I’ve run Portland twice in hot as hell temps (78 and 82 degrees) so it’s not that I couldn’t do it. I just knew my chances for a PR would be very slim. After discussing it with the coach, we agreed that going out at a pace that would net me a 5:10 marathon time would be good and if need be, I could adjust to the climbing temperature while still finishing in a decent time. My current PR is 5:08 on a cold winter day and my Portland pace was 5:26 in 82 degrees. So…I figured that I might be somewhere in between that.

The happy send off from the best spectator ever!

Found Amy!

Race morning was so much more pleasant than New York. Both of these are big races at 45,000 and 50,000 runners approximately so fairly comparable. But the logistics of Chicago made the entire race experience more fun. I wasn’t really nervous which is always weird for me. I used to get so anxious that I would feel like throwing up before big races. The last few (CIM, CDA70.3 and Chicago), there weren’t really any nerves. More like overwhelming gratitude that my body allows me to these things. And that is the best feeling ever. Sandra walked both Jenna and I to our starting corrals then gave us a big hug saying she would see us in a few miles. I knew that I would have a ton of support along the course between her, Carol and Andrea and the gang from the From Fat to Finish Line group. Sandra was going to be at several points along the race plus I knew I would see Carol and Andrea popping up here and there. The FFTFL had a water station at mile 22 which was great. So with a happy, grateful heart I hopped into my corral about 20 min prior to the start time. Ended up running into Amy who had also had “run into” at the train station in New Jersey when we both ran the New York City Marathon. So we hung out in the corral together until the start. We were slated to go at 8:35 and I think they got our corral across that start line by 8:37 or 8:38 which is pretty damn good. I wasn’t thrilled about the late start time because I knew that meant I would be running in the heat of the day but I couldn’t do much about it.

Boystown!

One of the times I wasn't smiling

Mile 23

My coach had already warned me about the Garmin thing so I didn’t even pay attention to it and instead, put it on the screen with the timer going. I had my splits written down and attached to my handheld so I knew as long as I hit the mile markers at the times she gave me, I wasn’t going out too fast or two slow. And good thing because I would later see my Garmin telling me I had run 6, 7 and 8 minute miles in the first 10-15k….lol. I did hit my first mile at just over 11 minutes which was too fast so I pulled back and the next one was around 11:40, then 11:35, 11:46 and so on (my given pace was 11:46). I was doing a great job pacing and felt really good. I thought to myself what a shame that the day was to be warm because I truly feel I would have been able to PR this race. But I was just happy to be running! Chicago is an amazing experience and I recommend this race to everyone! Out of all the marathons I’ve done, this is by far my favorite. I knew right after New York that I would never really want to run it again; I knew before I was halfway done with Chicago that I wanted to come back and do it again.

Early in race - first 10 miles?

The spectators were amazing, the neighborhoods flowed into one another and the course just had an atmosphere of fun about it. My face hurt after the race from smiling so much even though I was miserably hot. I was diligent about my nutrition just as I always am but I knew with the heat, it would be important to stay on top of the electrolytes and pay attention to how much extra fluid I was taking in. I was drinking one handheld per hour which had my Infinit in it plus taking 2 SaltSticks every hour on the hour. The last hour of the race, I added an extra SaltStick because of the extra water I had taken in after mile 20. This resulted in feeling pretty darn good for the entire race, no GI issues, no cramping and no bonking. I hit the 13.1 mile mark right on pace (I might have been about a minute faster than planned) but then it started to get warm. So for the next 5k, I slowed my pace down to around 12 min/miles to see if that would help. But it was still too fast for the temperature, which by this time was easily mid 70’s. By the end of the race, it would hit nearly 80 degrees.

Still smiling at mile 23

So I slowed it down to 12:15 minutes miles on the next 5k and that felt okay. I decided if I made it to the 20 mile mark at or under 4 hours, I was going to just enjoy the last 10k. I knew this would allow to still have a faster time than Portland and also give me to chance to soak in the last moments of Chicago. I was so happy with this decision – that last 10k was actually a lot of fun even though it was hot as hell out. There was minimal shade and I couldn’t find ice to save my life. But I still was enjoying myself, dancing around on the course and made time to stop at the FFTFL water station to get some hugs, a Happy Birthday and chat for a moment.

Best surprise ever from the FFTL crew!

Getting a big hug from Patty - sorry for the sweat!

I also hung out with a T-Rex and high fived more little kids than I can count. And I loved seeing Carol and Andrea around Chinatown although their offer of an eggroll made me grimace….lol. I had also caught Sandra around miles 3, 14 and knew she was up ahead at around mile 25 ½. That was enough to keep me going. I was sweating like crazy and just looking forward to getting my shoes off. My clothes were sopping wet as I had been dumping water all over myself and in that humidity, the moisture just didn’t evaporate. I love my dry climate; that humidity is for the birds! So I was hot, sweaty, wet and sticky. Gross.

One of my favorite sections of the course! Mile 21

But grinning from ear to ear. After I saw Sandra and knew I had under a mile to go, I started to get teary eyed. All the cheers of “GO TEAM” from the TNT folks resonated in my head. I hadn’t thrown in the towel just as Pops had taught me. I had made the most of my day despite the unfavorable weather and done my best with what I could. I’m learning it’s about the entire journey, not just what that clock says at the finish. I cry at every race finish and this one was no different. I got a hold of myself as I headed up that stupid “hill” – Roosevelt isn’t really a hill but it feels like Mt. Everest at the end of a marathon. As you come down the other side and make a left, there it is….the finisher’s chute. I was a bit confused at first because I hadn’t expected it to be so close…lol. But then I started to run and crossed the finish line with a time of 5:23:34. I was more than happy with this. It was my second fastest marathon and given the limited training time along with the heat, I was very proud of this accomplishment. Not every race needs to be a PR to feel amazing or go down in the books as the best race ever. It’s been two years since I’ve had a day of magic like that in a marathon. Portland in 2015 was the last time I felt like this - where the entire day was just everything I could ever have hoped for and then some. Chicago was a repeat of that day and I’m so very grateful. I was honored to race with Team in Training and for my father-in-law. It means a lot to me as that is how I got started running in the first place, with a charity in remembrance of somebody. I am looking forward to coming back and doing it again next year.

Yeah, it's early and I'm grinning like an idiot ;-)

Not nearly as impressive as the NYCM sponges but watch your step!

Showing off the bling with Karla

 It’s also great to finish a race feeling quite beat up, go to bed and wake up feeling pretty damn good the next day. I always marvel at how I’m ready to run again within a few days of a marathon. Our bodies are amazing machines – if we train right, run a smart race and recover right, our bodies reward us by feeling good. As always, I owe a huge thanks to my coach. Without her guidance and coaching, I would have wrecked myself by now. She is so great at what she does and I’ve learned a real joy of running in working with her. And I am very thankful to my family – without their support and patience, there is no way I could put in the training necessary to run marathons as well as I do. Marathon #6 is in the books! Time to recover and enjoy a few weeks of easy paced running J

Ironman Coeur d'Alene 70.3 - A girl can dream

My first 70.3 and it was a most amazing day!! Woke up on time, had some breakfast, checked and double checked my gear to make sure I had everything then woke up my hubby would be taking me down to the athlete village to start the race. When we arrived, it suddenly hit me what I was about to do. I kind of lost my shit. Saw Marty at the body marking and just started crying from the flood of emotions - fear, excitement, disbelief. Marty hugged me tightly and helped me get my breathing under control. Headed into transition to get my spot all ready. Laid everything out then grabbed my wetsuit and went to find my husband. 

After he helped me get my wetsuit on, I got into the lake for a short warm up. At one point, I turned over to face the sky and floated in the water while laughing and yelling out "holy shit, I'm doing a 1/2 Ironman". The atmosphere was so charged, the weather was perfect and the lake was smooth as glass. It truly was the calm before the storm. That would change once several thousand athletes were in the water, churning things up. I lined up in the appropriate corral - 36 to 45 minutes and put myself towards the back. I was hoping for a 42-43 min swim but would be happy with a 45 min swim.

I caught a glimpse of my husband who mouthed to me "I believe in you". That was enough to start more tears. This was it. I put my goggles on and headed down to the beach. The rolling start was simply amazing. 3-4 of us in the water at a time and I didn't even feel anyone near me for the first few hundred meters. I was trying to keep myself calm and not think about what was swimming in the water with me (yes, I have HUGE issues with open water and can totally panic if I'm not in a good place). At one point, I opened my eyes in the hopes I could follow the feet in front of me, saw a fish and that was it. No more opening my eyes underwater. Nope. I was breathing to the right because the sun was coming over the mountains to the left and it was hard to see. I've never been in the water with that many people at once and it created quite a bit of chop. I was hoping I wouldn't get seasick...lol. Hit the red buoy which mean the first turn. That meant I would be getting to the orange buoys soon!!! Orange buoys started at the 1/2 way point. Yes!! I was in a groove and moving pretty swiftly. I was pretty sure I'd be hitting my goal pace of 42-43 minutes. I rounded the last turn and was on my way back to shore. The course is a very long rectangle so I still had a fair amount to swim. As I was cruising along, I was suddenly with massive charlie horses in both calves. OMG. The pain literally took my breath away. I tried to keep making forward progress while feeling like I was going to drown. I can see why people drown from cramping. Seriously. I thought about calling a kayak over then decided I would just focus on something other than the pain in my calves and let my legs drag behind me. It slowed me down considerably but I was still moving forward. As I got to shore, I wasn't sure if I would be able to stand up. My calves were in a lot of pain. I was a little disoriented then saw they had wetsuit strippers. YES!!! I told them about my calves, they helped me lay down while peeling off my wetsuit. After they helped me up, I hobbled up to transition to get dried off and get ready for the bike. By this time, the cramping had stopped and my calves were just feeling sore. Hopefully, this wouldn't be a problem on the bike. Swim time was just over 46 minutes so I didn't hit my goals but this would later not be an issue for me.

Grabbed my bike off the rack, headed out of T1, got slathered with sunscreen and I was on my way. I knew the first 14-16 miles of the bike were not super hilly but I also knew I had 40 miles of hills at the end of the course so I paced myself pretty well in that first bit. I could have gone faster but I was pretty happy with my 16mph or so pace. I saw lots of athletes on the side of the road with flats and prayed I could get through this without  one. I cruised through that first section feeling awesome and when we hit town again, the energy was amazing. The crowds were lining the streets and I had a huge grin on my face. This was fun!! We turned onto 95 and having driven the course, I knew where the hills would start. Hit the first hill and just kept a nice, steady spin going in my easiest gear. I've done worse than this in training; I've got this. At that point, I saw the lead men hauling ass down the mountain. Andy Potts blew past me at an incredible speed as did the other two. Beautiful to watch and it made me excited to come down that at the end. After making it up Cougar Gulch, I knew I only had 2 more major hills to contend with. I was doing some calculations and had already figured out if I could keep my pace to where it was, I was going to get a sub 4hr bike. Woohoo!!! Made it up Mica and thought to myself "was that all?". 

This was a good sign that I wasn't feeling like dying. Nutrition was going well; I was sipping regularly from my Speedfil and taking in little bits of water from the bottle on my aero bars. After hitting the turn around at Setters Rd, we hit some headwinds. That kind of sucked but again, nothing I haven't trained in. It did keep me from hitting some good speed on the downhills; I think the fastest time clocked was around 39mph. The last long climb was......long. But after hitting that and heading back down the hills, I looked at my bike computer and realized I was not only going to get a sub 4hr bike, but I was going to kill my A goal. I came hauling ass into town; my last 5 mile split on the bike was almost 20mph. That is really fast for me. Bike time was 3:46:38 which was over 13 minutes faster than my A goal of 3:59.

The run. Oh dear lord, the run. I had to take a few extra minutes  in T2 to collect myself. It was already in the high 80's, I was dripping sweat and the idea of having to go out in the sun and run 13 miles really did not appeal to me. I wanted to lay in the shade at transition and take a nap. LOL. But I got up and headed out, stopping to kiss my husband and see my kids. I knew from my Garmin that I had over 3 1/2 hours to get the run portion done before the cutoff time. This was a relief. I knew I could WALK a half marathon that time; I've done it before. I decided to keep it to 12:45 pace and was doing okay. I stopped at every aid station to shove ice in my bra and under my hat. A huge thank you to whoever suggested a hat over a visor! As I hit each mile marker, I did the math. I was actually going to get a sub 8hr 1/2 Ironman finish time. Holy shit. That was more than I allowed myself to dream for my first 70.3 and a tough course in the heat at that. I am NOT a warm weather runner so this was huge to me. I kept trucking along, chatting with other athletes, encouraging those who looked like they were struggling and thanking the volunteers. The folks with the bagpipes meant the world to me; I'm part Scottish and it made me feel as though my nana was there on the course with me. I loved the run course - despite the heat, the locals were all out with their sprinklers and hoses spraying us down. The little kids were out there with high fives and shouting out "you're doing awesome". I danced with the kiddos and played in the sprinklers those last few miles.  When I hit the park and it splits off into the 1st  lap and 2nd lap, I was never so happy to go left and be on my way to the finish. There was kid holding a sign that said "remember your why". That brought more tears and smiles. My run time was 2:50:10 which was my B goal.

I headed down that last street before the turn to Sherman. Stopped to walk slowly for a minute while gathering my thoughts. I could not believe I was about to finish my first 1/2 Ironman. Me. The girl who used to be 65lbs heavier. The girl, who 9 years ago this month was in rehab for drugs and alcohol. And here I was, in the home stretch of a 70.3 and feeling pretty darn good. I came down Sherman and spotted Marty. I pulled off my red volunteer wristband, handed it to her with a smile and gave her a huge hug. Sometimes, that one volunteer can make all the difference in your race. Marty was that person for me on the course. I went another block and saw my best friend, my partner, the love of my life standing there on the course. He gave me a huge hug then told me to go get my medal. I hit that red carpet and all I remember is screaming for joy as I came into the finish. My goals for this race were: A-7:59, B-8:15, C-8:30. My finish time? 7:40:34. I'm still in disbelief that I conquered CDA70.3 in that heat and finished with a time beyond what I thought I was capable of. 

Napa Valley Triathlon: Adapting on the fly, part II

In my last entry, I was having trouble before the swim portion even began. After trying to swim a few strokes freestyle and realizing I couldn't breathe and my goggles were filling up with water, I flipped over to backstroke. And did the entire swim backstroking. It actually went really well and I finished the swim portion feeling very strong!! Time was 18:10 for the 750m; definitely not my fastest but considering I backstroked, I was thrilled. Which was good because that middle discipline, the bike, is the most unfamiliar to me and I needed to feel strong getting on the bike. Running up to transition was pretty horrible; my feet were totally numb yet running over dirt and rocks was surprisingly painful. I made it to my transition spot and proceeded to take my time drying off then layering well for the bike. I knew it was going to be cold and I have never ridden my bike below 65 degrees before - current temps were around 38-40 degrees. I even had taped hand warmers to the tops of my cycling shoes...lol. I finished in transition and was ready to hit the bike section. T1 time was 5:32 (definitely need to work on this).

All I have to say is the bike portion was damn fun! I loved every single minute of it even though I could not feel my feet at all and my hands were so cold that shifting and braking was a little bit of a struggle. But I am pretty sure I had a grin on my face the entire bike. Rolling hills are my favorite and I'm a decent climber. So I would sneak up behind someone then pass them on the climb and haul ass down the other side. I'm also not afraid of going fast. I was not supposed to push this race as it was a training run so I did keep the bike effort to a moderate level. Overall, I was happy with my bike. I do wish I had operated my Garmin correctly because I noticed partway through the bike that something was amiss. I found out later on that somehow, my bike got recorded as my T2 time - that was the longest T2 time ever! Bike time was 57:38 for the 12.4 mile bike and T2 time was 4:26 (again, this needs serious work).

I came into T2 feeling good, feeling strong and happy. Now....this would be my first brick since 2013. So I knew it was going to be interesting. As I headed out on the run, I realized I still could not feel my feet. Joy. And I realized I was running way too fast for my first mile. What was that about? My legs actually felt really good after getting off the bike. Hmmm. Regardless, I slowed down a bit and worked on pacing myself. I knew there was a decent sized hill right in the middle of the 5k course. I had been running at an 11:45 pace or so for my training runs so I wasn't expecting big things out of this run. I was pleasantly surprised at how well I was running and my feet finally thawed out around mile 3 of the run. I headed down the last stretch of road before the finish line and when I realized I would make my goal of under 2 hours, I was thrilled. My finish time was 1:59:10 and I couldn't be happier. This race was a learning experience and a training race. I now know what I need to work on going forth into the next race, my Olympic distance next month. Coming back from major surgery has been hard but not impossible. I've had to learn patience and it's paying off. Hard to believe in a few months, I will be going much farther in the swim, bike and run - and that I will be racing 4 x as long most likely, possibly a bit longer. My goal for CDA70.3 is just to make that cutoff and enjoy myself while doing it. Those are pretty good goals, I think :-)

Napa Valley Triathlon: adapting on the fly, part I

Placed 8th out of 17th - not bad for a training race!

I signed up for the HITS Napa sprint triathlon a couple months ago with the intention of using it as a training race to get comfortable with things transition (I suck at them) and being in the water with other swimmers who like to grab, push and swim over you. I also excited as it would be the first triathlon that I actually was being trained for as opposed to the Lake Tahoe sprint and Donner Olympic which I did in the middle of marathon training and as my coach put it "relied on my running fitness to get me through". As race day approached, however, my excitement started to wan a bit - the lake temperature was not so promising. I already knew that the swim was known to be a cold one but it was looking like cold was an understatement. I've been in cold water before since Tahoe is the nearest body of water to practice any OWS in. It was going to be interesting to see how I tolerated water colder than Tahoe. And it gets better - the weather forecast was shaping up to be cold as well. It's ironic as I am usually worried about race day being too HOT, not too cold (I hate running when it's over 60 degrees). But I've never been on the bike when it's been less than 65-70 degrees and I certainly have never willingly gone swimming when it's been 40-50 degrees out. Oh dear. And I would be going to this race solo. My husband couldn't get the time off work so I would be on my own making the 4+ hour drive over to Napa. It's been a while since I've gone off on my own. I wouldn't be completely alone as I was meeting a fellow triathlete named Sara who I had met via our tri club, the Best Tri Club Ever. She lived near there and it was her first Olympic distance. We had already made plans to meet up this summer at Tahoe so I was looking forward to meeting her and possibly having an opportunity to cheer her on at the finish of the race.

It was SO cold that morning - setting up transition

Par for the course whenever I have to drive over the mountains, it was dumping snow the morning I had to leave. Yay! I carefully made my way over the pass and arrived safely at the hotel. Headed out to Lake Berryessa where the race was being held and where packet pick up was at. Oh, so much driving! It was about an hour drive from the hotel. As I got closer to the race site, I started seeing some 140.6 distance athletes still out on the bike. In the cold. And rain. Mad props to them. I would later find out that night they pulled about 30 athletes for hypothermia and it was a miserable race day due to the cold. I found the parking area and checked in, receiving my packet. It was real now. I was excited to be doing the first race in this training cycle for IMCDA 70.3. Headed down to the water where some athletes were getting in some swim practice and checking the water. Dipped my feet in and it didn't feel too bad. The sun had started to peek out and my spirits were high. This was going to be fun! I stayed a while to cheer on some of the 70.3 finishers who were coming in just under the cutoff. Then hopped in the Jeep and drove another hour back to the hotel. Tired of freaking driving, I was looking forward to a hot bath. Only...no bathtub at the hotel. Damn it. Picked up some Chipotle for dinner and then went through, setting everything out for the morning. I would have to leave the hotel around 4:30am to get to the race location in time to set up in transition. After I checked everything (twice....okay, maybe three times), it was time for bed.

Taped hand warmers to my cycling shoes...lol

I never have problems waking up on race morning and this was no different. Got dressed, grabbed one of my Superhero muffins from Eat Slow Run Fast cookbook and water then headed out the door. Arrived at the race to what seemed a bit chaotic and had to park what seemed to be about a mile away from transition. Oh, good. Dragging all my shit down there was going to be fun. Once I made my way into transition, I was pretty pleased with all the space each athlete had not to mention a little stool to sit on. So spoiled. I texted Sara to find out where she was at and not too much longer later, I saw her heading my way. Introduced each other, she helped me get on my wetsuit and then she was off to help Whitney (another fellow Best Tri Club Ever athlete) with an issue with her tires.

I was all zipped up and ready to go. Plodded down to the water and looked at the mist rising up from the lake. I should mention at this time...it was 38 degrees out and the current water temp was 57. Yep, I was going to freeze my ass off. I decided to skip the warm up swim as I was worried I would get too cold waiting for my wave. Once they called for the 30-39 and 40-49 women, I headed out to wait for the start. Took off for the swim and almost immediately realized that putting my face in the water was creating an odd sensation in my chest. It was like I couldn't breathe and my chest was super tight. I did some doggy paddling while my brain raced to figure out what to do. It was also at this time realized my goggles weren't sealing correctly on my face - the rubber was so cold and stiff that it wasn't forming a nice seal and hence, my goggles were leaking. To be continued......

Folsom Lake 50k: pushing past my limits. "We like to think we know things about ourselves. Those things are often what limit us" - Caolan

My first 50k. I’m not even sure where to begin. It’s been over a year and I’m just now getting around to writing about it. What does that say?? I’m still not sure how I feel about this race. It’s eerily reminiscent of Portland 2014, where I feel like I need a “do over”. Nothing went the way I planned, expected or wanted – other than the fact I finished under the cutoff and I was not DFL. I did learn that I can keep going even when I want so badly to just throw in the towel. I also learned never to believe the elevation profile listed. This 50k was only supposed to be about 2800ft of elevation gain and turned out to be over 3200ft.

The weeks leading up to the 50k were not good. I developed a sinus infection, strep throat and double ear infections. My stomach doesn't do so well with antibiotics and I was very nervous about having to take them so close to a race. Not to mention I was also missing training time. My coach assured me that I would be fine for the race even if I missed a chunk of runs this close to the race. I put my trust in her and *tried* not to freak out.

The calm before the storm :-)

We headed over the hill for the race and par for the course, it was dumping rain. Because it's always bad weather when I have go to Sacramento for races. We head to Fleet Feet and I pick up my packet. Now, it's real. I'm going to be running 31 miles around Folsom Lake. We grab a bite to eat and this is where things probably start to go wrong. I usually have pizza for dinner before most of my bigger races. We let the boy choose where to eat and he chose In-n-Out.

It really is a pretty course!

Yep, a cheeseburger the night before a 50k might not have been the wisest choice. I get to bed at a decent time and actually sleep. The next morning, I make my second mistake. My stomach is nervous so I decide to skip my usual oatmeal or toast with PB and banana. I eat a KIND bar. Not usually a problem but this was a deviation from my usual pre-race food. We leave a little later than I would like and I'm worried about getting to the start on time. Yet another thing that throws me for a loop and doesn't help my already harried nerves. As we pull up, I have less than 5 minutes to get to the start and it's a bit of a walk from the parking lot. I kiss the hubby and boy goodbye, say that I will see them in about 8 hours or so then shuffle off to the start.

I see another skirt wearer and strike up a conversation. Her name is Mimi and we decide to hang together for a bit. She's doing the 35k so I will have company for a good stretch of the race. As we head across Folsom Dam (pretty much the only flat part of the race), we chat about races. So far, so good. I can tell it's going to turn out to be a warm day. I stop to take off my top layer a few miles into the race. It's a gorgeous course but I can tell that I didn't train for lots and lots of ups and downs. I trained more on steep climbs and steep descents. That's what my legs are used to. They are not liking all the rolling hills and would rather be trucking up the side of a mountain right now. I let Mimi know that I have to pick up the pace a bit because I have a cutoff to make. The 35k folks don't have to worry about the cutoff but I do. Before I even get to mile 10, I have to stop for the bathroom. This is not a good sign. I've run marathons without having to stop. WTF.

Mimi and I in the first few miles

Mimi waits for me and we start down the trail again after I'm done. I try not to think about the 20+ miles yet to come. I glance at my Garmin and realize I really need to pick it up a little; I'm concerned because the time limit for the course is 8 hours and I know I have to maintain a certain pace. I tell Mimi I will meet her at the bottom of one of the hills. I'm also hoping there is a bathroom at the next aid station because my GI system is really unhappy. I come up to where the aid station is supposed to be but it's not directly on the trail. Nope. It's up this steep incline. Unsure of whether I want to make the trek up there, I call out to the volunteers asking if there is a bathroom. Negative. That makes my decision easy. Not stopping. It's also the turn around for Mimi so I'm not sure if I will see her again.

Gorgeous greenery

I head off into the wilderness alone. I decide I can't wait for the next aid station to see if there is a porta potty so I pull off the trail and hope I'm not traipsing through poison oak. I tried to educate myself before coming over here on what it looks like but I'm actually clueless. I have to repeat this every 2-3 miles and it's miserable. I come up to this crest on the hill and I see it's a nice downhill stretch to the turn around point in the race. I embrace the downhill and enjoy giving my legs a bit of a rest. Pick up a few snacks at the aid station, make sure I've got enough water in my pack and then turn around to head back up the hill I just came down. At this point, I'm stressing over cutoffs and I had inquired at the aid station where I was in regards to this. They said I was 17 minutes ahead of the cutoff but I'm confused because that would put the cutoff closer to 8 1/2 hours, not 8 hours. I feel the pressure of needing to move a bit faster but my stomach simply won't allow 17 min pace at this point. I try to run and have to walk; this pattern continues along with my bathroom stops.

By this time, I've run out of places for the bathroom and find myself facing Folsom Lake while all the boaters are out on the water, enjoying their day. It's hot as well, I'm sweating like a pig and my stomach is killing me. I consider quitting at each aid station I come across and then think, "I'll give it to the next aid station". And so on. I have to go somewhere else in my mind. There are tears. I think about my husband and son waiting for me at the finish line. I'm texting my coach and friend Sandra. Close to the cutoff at each aid station, all I can think about is how pissed I will be if I endured this for 8+ hours only to be told at the end that I'm not an official finisher because I didn't make the cutoff. F*ck that. I think back to the book Esther got for me, How Bad Do You Want It by Matt Fitzgerald. I try to recall passages from the book and that helps my mind move forward a bit.

Coming down into the last aid station

Lots of hills :-)

At the last aid station, with maybe 3 miles to go, I consider one last time quitting. By this time, my stomach is cramping so bad and I'm doubled over half the time. People strolling with their dogs are passing me on the trail. Humility at its finest! I see the dam and know that I have about a mile to go. I emerge from the trail and set foot on the dam. I can see the finish across the lake. So close. I get asked if there is a race somewhere and it occurs to me I'm out there, running (okay, maybe it doesn't resemble running much by this time) with a bib on while people are out with the kids, pushing strollers and walking dogs. Um, yeah...I look a little out of place. I smile and say "I think there's a race and I think I'm running it" then muster up a chuckle. By this time, I know if the cutoff is 8 hours, I have failed. But if it's 8 1/2 hours, I still have a chance. I text my husband to tell him to have a change of clothes for me and my recovery drink. I got this.

This kept me going...

Always looking at that darn Garmin!

As I hit the other end of the dam, a volunteer runs alongside me, cheering me on. While it doesn't sound fast, my last 1/2 mile was at a pace of 13:51. When you consider my overall pace was over 16 min/miles, it's pretty damn speedy....lol. My little boy meets me a few hundred yards from the finish and runs in with me. As I cross the finish, I am doubled over with exhaustion, pain and joy. I am an ultra runner. Me. The girl who couldn't run one stinking lap around the track just ran a 50k. I throw myself on the ground as hubby helps get my shoes and socks off then hands me my drink. I chug my recovery drink then realize I didn't get a medal. They ran out. Huh?? I will have to wait to get it in the mail. I inquire about the cutoff. They state it was changed a few days ago from 8 hours to 8 1/2 hours. Holy shit, I made the cut off!! It's official. And....I was NOT last. Two people finished after me! Woohoo!! I still haven't decided how I feel about that race as my trail marathon just weeks prior was a much better experience. Not all races can go the way we want. Folsom Lake 50k left me wanting more but it will have to wait until another time. I've got other big things to focus on at the moment. But someday, I'll be back for another crack at an ultra. My coach said once "we like to think we know things about ourselves. Those things are often what limit us". And never have I found this to be more true than this past year or so.

Fought harder for this finish line than any other race