PORTLAND MARATHON 2015 - FINDING MY HEART AND SOUL AGAIN. PART 2 OF 2

I realized that with NYCM weekend being over, I need to complete part 2 of 2 for Portland! When I left you last, I was just passing the 10k mark in the marathon and realizing my paces were too fast. With the inability to slow down (or was it sheer stupidity that kept me from dropping my pace to a more appropriate 12:30 min/mile?), I knew the back half of the race might prove to be more difficult than the first half. Took my first set of salt tabs and realized I really needed to pee. Really???  I solve the OTHER bathroom issue and my body rebels by saying "haha...you are STILL going to have to stop". Sigh. I thought maybe, just maybe I could wait until after the race. I am a nurse, after all. We have bladders of steel! So in the first six miles, I cruised past the port a potties I saw figuring I could wait it out. As I crossed over the 10k marker, I realized there was no way I could keep running comfortably unless I stopped. I was afraid of missing Cherie on the out and back portion - I really wanted to see a familiar face and offer her a smile since I knew her goal was a tough one. But I needed to stop. So I pulled up the first set of port a potties I saw - two lonely ones sitting by the side of the road. I figured how long could it take? Well, three minutes later and with nobody exiting from either one, I became frustrated and starting looking for a bush somewhere. Unfortunately, there was nothing but parking lots on the side of the road and time was ticking. So with a heavy sigh, I left and decided I would just hold it until I came across more bathrooms.

This sign came at the perfect moment. Just beyond it is where I stopped to fix a blister before heading up to the bridge.

This portion of the Portland Marathon is my least favorite. It's a long out and back that is B-O-R-I-N-G. They try to spice it up with pirates and DJ's but it's still long and boring. The only thing that kept me interested was scanning the faces of the runners coming back in hopes of catching a glimpse of Cherie. I passed the 4:30 pace group so I knew she wouldn't be too far behind that. Several minutes later, I saw her and waved furiously...she smiled and waved back, yelling out some encouraging

This is just before the half runners split off

words. I then turned my attention to the search for a port a potty. And like I remembered from last year, there was a group of them just before the turn around. I hopped into line and within about 3 minutes, I was back on course. After finishing the long out and back, where the course also splits from the half as they make their way back to the finish, I did a quick check of how I felt. So far, so good. My legs felt great, none of my tendons were angry yet and my hamstring wasn't even bothering me. It was starting to warm up a little but there was a cool breeze that helped offset the temps. I popped my second set of salt tabs; I was being very careful to keep on top of my Tailwind and the salt tabs. I knew from training this would set me up for a successful GI experience....lol.


We headed into a little bit of a hilly area and then it was time to start the approach to the bridge. This part is my second least favorite. It doesn't last very long - maybe 2 miles? But it's along a busy road and it's ugly. The only thing that kept me smiling here was seeing all the Team in Training runners and thanking them for running. I also saw a lady who had to been 70-80 years old, trucking along at a speedy pace and told her she was amazing. Just before the hill up to the bridge, the hot spot on my right foot that had been in the back of my mind came to a head and I needed to stop to fix whatever was developing. I didn't want to stop because I knew taking off my shoe would cost me precious minutes. But I also knew if I didn't fix this impending blister, I may not be able to walk come mile 20. I sat down, proceeded to take off the shoe and sock while pulling some moleskin out of my skirt pocket. Fixed the blossoming blister (or so I thought; more on that later) and got back to running. Hit the hill that leads up the gorgeous St. John's bridge and decided I was going to run the entire thing. It's a very steep hill about 1/2 mile long and it sucks. But I'm proud to say I ran up the entire thing, albeit slowly. That made my day! As I started across the bridge, I was thinking in the back of my head that this is around where the wheels started to come off last year and there was some apprehension as I waited for my legs to start failing. That moment didn't come and in fact, never came.


The gorgeous St. John's Bridge that you get to run over - it's breathtaking

I headed down the other side of the bridge and into the slightly hilly neighborhood that would take me up into mile 20. Last year, this is where I became nauseous and by mile 22, was texting my husband that I wanted to quit. Not so this year....I was running and smiling, waving at the spectators and thanking the volunteers. I had taken another set of salt tabs just after the bridge and it would be time for the last two of the race in a few miles. No nausea, no pain anywhere and my legs still felt fresh. I was slowing down a bit and I expected that since I went out too fast in the first half. But I still felt REALLY good. So good, in fact, that I was suspicious. Haha. I had no idea if this was the calm before the storm but I decided to embrace it and enjoy the moment. Stopped briefly to fix my foot as the moleskin had slipped off the blister. I lost a couple minutes but imagine I saved many more as I prevented a bigger and more painful problem. As I headed down the long stretch of miles 22-23, I remember vividly how I felt last year. I was so done, so hot and so miserable. I felt terrible that I was making Cherie walk so much and guilty that I had ruined her first marathon experience. It was a really disgusting way to feel and I am so grateful at this moment that it's the polar opposite this year. I hit the aid station at mile 23 and that was a turning point for me. Last year, our spouses and kids met us there with ice and I wanted to be done. I wanted to stop and hang out with them, not continue running. I cruised through it this year, thanking the volunteers handing out water.

Coming off the St. John's Bridge around mile 16-17

As I passed the spot where I had told Cherie to go on without me last year, I was overcome with emotion. I was going to do this thing. I was going to finish and finish strong. It was then that my left calf decided it was done and seized up. OMG. Such pain. I started hobbling, then decided I would just walk and stretch for a bit. I was coming up on the second bridge - the bridge I have NO recollection of from last year....hahaha. I decided I would walk across the bridge and after that, since I would have about two miles to go, I could run. I mean, two miles. I can do anything for two freakin' miles. Got over the bridge and picked up the pace while being mindful of my calf. It seemed to be okay and it hit me that even if I had to walk these last two miles, I was going to have a great PR and probably be close to my B goal of 5:30. This realization put a huge smile on my face and I picked up the pace as much as I could. I was definitely feeling the faster first half of the marathon and in retrospect, that is the only thing I would change about this race - I would slow my ass down in the first 18 miles. But all in all, I couldn't believe that things didn't get hard until well after mile 20. I mean, I didn't even run 20 in training and was a little nervous that everything would fall apart after I hit 18 miles. They didn't and even though these last 2-3 miles were tough, they weren't painful and they didn't make me want to quit.



Nobody should look this happy in mile 26

I came out onto Nato street, which would be the last long stretch of the course until I would make a right, then a left and hit the finish. This is where I ran into Kara last year. It was her first marathon as well and she was struggling with severe ITB pain. I had stopped to help her stretch then kept her hobbling that last mile to the finish. While it cost me my B goal last year of finishing under 6 hours (my official time was 6:00:07), I don't regret it for a minute. Part of running is being supportive to your fellow runners. Having her for company in those last minutes of the race helped me across the finish and it was a bright moment in what was an otherwise disappointing end to the race. So when I passed by the very spot where I met Kara, I glanced at my Garmin and did some quick math. Not only was I going to hit my B goal of 5:30, but I may just go under that! With this in mind, I picked up the pace and headed in for the finish. This year, there was no almost throwing up, no peeing my pants (yes, I will admit to this being the case last year!). Instead, I was feeling ah-mazing. Which was very strange. I thought I should have been dragging ass and feeling like I was hit by a bus. Nope. As I crossed the finish, I looked at the clock and it said 5:41. Since I didn't start until after a few other corrals had done, I knew it was well under that but had no idea of the exact time. I would post on FB a little later "hey, does anyone know my finish time"....lol. All I knew is that I had reached my B goal and that was enough for me.

And it's a wrap! The finish line!

My hard earned medal

Found Cherie and we sat on the sidewalk for a while, stuffing our faces with chips and checking our Facebook. And I found out that not only had I accomplished my goal of 5:30 but I had gone under that by almost 4 minutes! OMG. Seriously. How could I have taken 34 minutes off my time from last year and feel so GREAT???  This made me so very happy. I needed to rewrite the Portland Marathon chapter of my life and I did. This is what you are supposed to feel like after your first marathon. I am very lucky - I got to have two first marathon experiences in a way. Very grateful. The test would be in a month when I run New York. How well would my legs hold up? Would I even be able to finish it? Would I get to the starting line without injuries? Who really knew as this was totally unprecedented. I don't even think I've run two half marathons within a few weeks of each other, let alone two marathons. Only time will tell how I hold up but I think things are in my favor. I've got a great coach who knows her stuff and as long as I do what she tells me to do, I think I will cross the finish line of New York. At least, I hope :-)



Yep, I am a two time marathoner with a 34 min PR!

Portland Marathon 2015 - Finding my heart and soul again. Part 1 of 2.....

I've made it no secret that my first marathon in 2014 was a train wreck. There were many reasons, most notably after 6 years of sobriety, I relapsed about a month prior to the race. So I wasn't really in optimal health - physically, mentally or emotionally - come race day. I was also working nights at the time, getting very little sleep and dealing with life changes all the way around. I had been working through some minor injuries which are just now resolving, over a year later. All of that made for a perfect storm and it's a miracle I was able to complete the race. I managed to cross the finish line in 6 hours but it was a miserable experience. The last 10 miles were spent doing a lot of walking, crying and feeling hopeless. This past year, it's been difficult to even think of myself as a marathoner. I've been waiting a year to come back and do it right.

Cherie and I on our way to the corrals

Everything has been different this year versus last, from the training to my sleep schedule to my weight and nutrition. I also made sure not to distance myself from the AA program, attending meetings and taking on a secretary position while keeping in contact with my sponsor so I could maintain my sobriety. Instead of doing a traditional long run each weekend, my coach had me do long-ish back to back runs. So instead of a 20 miler, I did something like a 10 miler Saturday and a 16 miler Sunday. This seemed to work out well for my legs and I felt like recovery was better with this method. I also became very protective of my sleep. Last year, I was averaging about 5 hours a day (I worked nights) and this year, I was careful to get at least 8 hours most nights. Thankfully, I had gone back to a traditional work schedule and was able to get adequate sleep. I also trained alone for the most part. Last year, my good friend Cherie and I trained together for the marathon but I knew in my heart we were different runners with different paces. I wanted her to challenge herself and reach her goals, not be along for the ride while I reached mine. So she trained at her paces and I trained at mine. While I missed the company a lot, I think the results were worth it. She was able to take an hour off her time this year and I was so happy for her. My weight was vastly different as well. I had gained about 12lbs last year while training for Portland. Determined not to let that happen again (and because I was still carrying that extra weight around), I really focused on my nutrition this training cycle. I increased my carbs to provide extra energy and made sure I didn't "eat back" my calories burned on long run days.  This resulted in my losing weight, albeit slowly, while marathon training. I toed the starting line of Portland 10lbs lighter than last year. I am happy to say I enjoyed training for this marathon so much that I'm looking forward to doing it again. And that is a turning point because earlier this year, after a disappointing performance in Colfax, I was ready to hang up my running shoes for good.


Sandra and I at Colfax - the day did not go as planned but many lessons were learned

As the marathon drew closer, I had to figure out my goals for the race. This is where I struggled. Because last year I ran a 6 hour marathon, I knew I could better my time significantly without much trouble (or so I thought - as my coach likes to remind me, nothing is a guarantee). So it seemed like setting easy goals might be the way to go. Or I could set goals based on how my training had been doing.  But I was in fear of setting a time goal that would leave me disappointed and feeling like a failure as I did last year. In 2014, my three goals were (A) 5:15-5:20 (B) 6:00 and (C) to finish. So while I did accomplish my C goal and met my B goal (my official time was 6:00:01, I think), it left me feeling like I failed my coach, my running partner, my family and myself because it just didn't feel right and it certainly didn't feel like an accomplishment. It felt like a chore I had gotten done. I didn't want to feel like that again. Finishing your first marathon is supposed to be a glorious accomplishment, one that when you look back on, you smile and think "yeah, I did that". There was none of that in my heart when I thought about the 2014 Portland Marathon. It was all tears, pain and lies. So this year, when my coach asked me what my goals would be, I felt this internal struggle of how to answer her.

I thought about taking the easy way out and setting forth the following goals:  (A) goal would be 5:40, my (B) goal would be 5:45 and the (C) goal would be 5:50. In training, I had been running paces of around 12:45-13:00 so I knew that I could reach all of these goals, even if something went a little awry. I was scared to set a goal of a 12:00 or even a 12:30 pace. Because if I didn't reach it, that feeling of failure would return and I might just quit running altogether. I would feel like I let everyone down again. At some point through this process, I thought about the pep talk my coach gave me in May when I was crying on her couch about quitting running. The realization that she believed in me even if I didn't at that point gave me the courage to set goals that were a little more challenging. I decided that my (A) goal would be 5:15, (B) goal would be 5:30 and my (C) goal would be 5:45. I knew that a 5:45 marathon would be possible, even if the weather warmed up, I had to make a bathroom stop or even if the wheels fell off at the end. And I also knew in my heart, that while a 5:30 time was a little more challenging, if all went right that day, I could reach that and be happy with my performance. With the 5:15 goal, it was a "reach for the stars" kind of thing. I do think I'm capable of that, but everything from weather conditions to my GI system would have to on point come race day. I emailed my coach the goals and that was that.



Cherie and I flew into Portland Friday before the race. It was looking to be repeat of last year, weather-wise, which didn't make me all that happy. I don't run well in warmer temperatures and I was hoping this year, it would be that quintessential Portland weather - overcast, cool and drizzling rain. It was not to be and when Sunday rolled around, the weather would prove almost identical to last with the exception of a light breeze, which was greatly appreciated. We hopped on the train into downtown so we could hit packet pick up at the expo. Walked around, checking out merchandise and spent a little cash on some cute shirts and stickers.  We picked up our rental car and headed to the Airbnb house we had reserved. It was located high in the hills above Portland and was a beautiful English style cottage house. Our host was Maureen and she welcomed us into her home. Definitely a good choice versus a hotel downtown.



Lots to see and do at the Portland Saturday Market!

Saturday, we woke up early and drove to one of the many trailheads located around Portland. We were scheduled for a 3 mile shake out run and while the pace was shake out pace, the hilly terrain was not. Oops! But the views were well worth a little bit of hill training. The trails here are just beautiful. I fell in love within minutes and decided I needed to move to Portland.  LOL. It was a beautiful morning for a run and just what we needed. Stopped home, cleaned up then headed out to the Portland Saturday Market. This was a fun, eclectic event with crafters and yummy smelling food. Unfortunately, due to the marathon being the following day, I wasn't about to try any of the unfamiliar foods but they smelled awfully good. After doing some shopping, we decided to rest our legs and hit the hot tub at Maureen's that evening. I was able to get to sleep at a decent hour but still overslept on race morning. Oops. Thankfully, Cherie called down the hallway to see if I was awake! After a light breakfast, I got dressed and we headed out for downtown. Traffic was kind of a nightmare but we managed to find a parking spot. Time to get this thing done! Stopped at the Hilton for a quick bathroom break then went to find our corral.


We met up with Karey, exchanged hugs and took some pictures then it was time to jump into our corrals with the rest of the crowd. I felt strangely calm and peaceful, very unlike last year. I was running this race in memory of my father-in-law and had his bib on my back. It gave me comfort, knowing I would have him beside me through all the miles. This race was for the both of us but I had his strength to guide me through it. As we moved up after the beginning corrals had started, I started to get excited. I was so ready for this, so much more than last year. My coach had sent me words of encouragement and love the night before; I knew she was confident in my abilities to run this race well. I felt that same confidence and was grinning from ear to ear. I was there to have fun, be grateful and run with a happy heart. My legs would know what to do and the hay was in the barn, so to speak.



The skirts representing - and all smiles!  Karey, Cherie and I in the corrals before the start

We lined up at the start and off we went - my Garmin was completely wonky and telling me I was running a 20 minute mile pace which was frustrating. I knew one of the keys to a good race was to start slow and I had no idea what pace I was running at because I couldn't really judge from how I felt. I always feel super strong and terrific at the start of a race and can run a 10 minute pace while thinking I'm running a 12 minute pace. Not good when you've got 26 miles to go! I increased my pace a tiny bit and figured my Garmin would right itself when we were away from all the buildings. Well, it did correct itself but not until about mile 2, after I realized I was running too darn fast. My 5k split was 11:57. Damn it. The first few miles were a bit boring and I was trying to focus on keeping it slow and steady. I was also concentrating on making sure I took in my Tailwind on a consistent basis. It was a fairly new fueling strategy I had been using for a couple months and I had to remember to keep sipping off my handheld. As I hit each mile marker, I would glance at my pace band (which was for a 5:30 pace) and remark "damn it" or "oops".  I had strict instructions not to run faster than 12:30-12:40 for the first 18 miles and I was trucking along at a 12:00 minute pace. But even knowing I was going out too fast, I could NOT manage to slow my butt down enough. My 10k pace was marginally better than my 5k at 12:05 but still way too fast for the start of a marathon. This might turn out to be an interesting day........

To be continued in a follow up blog post.

Volunteering reaps rewards at Ironman Lake Tahoe

     So, I realized not too long ago that while I've been running/racing since 2011, I have never volunteered. Oh sure, I've made the effort to sign up but "life" always seemed to get in the way at the last minute. This year, I knew a few folks racing at IMLT and wanting to support this amazing journey of theirs in anyway I could, I signed up for a volunteer shift. And let's be real - without volunteers, I realize that. I have made a habit of thanking the folks who give up their Sunday mornings to hand out paper cups filled with water in every race. I understand fully the importance of volunteers. And after Sunday night, I wondered why it took me so long to participate as one? The payback was more than the hours I gave....far more. I arrived for my shift at 6pm after battling traffic from Tahoe City to Squaw Valley but I was also able to see athletes as they were starting the last leg of the triathlon, running a marathon. I had signed up for the 6pm to midnight shift for a reason. To be inspired. Because after all, while seeing those elite athletes finish in what seems like an impossible time is amazing, what inspires me are those athletes who juggle 57 different while trying to train properly. The athletes who have disabilities. The ones who are not genetically gifted to swim/bike/run fast. Those athletes who struggle with setbacks. Men and women who continue to race far beyond the age of retirement (there were a handful of these amazing folks Sunday night). Cancer survivors, wounded veterans, moms, dads, grandmas, grandpas...people like you and I who are just doing the best we can with what we are given in life. Those are the necks around which I wanted to place a medal.

     For those who don't know, a triathlon consists of three sports, done consecutively. Traditionally, it's a swim/bike/run combination but there are some "reverse" triathlons, usually geared more towards beginner athletes. The swims are done in either a lake, river or ocean but again, there are some events that take place in a pool, usually shorter triathlons.  Three distances are common:  sprint, Olympic and full. From what I have seen, there are various lengths for both sprints and Olympics but full distance is 140.6 miles. That is 2.4 miles of swimming followed by 112 miles on the bike and culminating in a marathon (26.2 miles). Professional and elite athletes will finish in around 9 hours or so but for a lot of athletes who have full time jobs that don't consist of being paid for working out (as in the case of elites/professionals), it will take them far longer. Some will be down to the wire, which is 17 hours. At that point, the lights shut down, the announcer no longer shouts out "You ARE an Ironman" and the crowd starts to dissipate. At IMLT Sunday, they ran both the 70.3 and 140.6 simultaneously. The 70.3 was half the distance obviously and by the time I arrived, all but 3 of those athletes had already completed their races. So most of the night, I was handing out medals for the 140.6 competitors.


Athletes had been racing for 12 1/2 hours


     The athletes finishing around 7pm had been racing for approximately 12 hours and most looked like they had just been out for a Sunday jog. I was impressed, especially with those who were first time Ironman competitors. The announcer would call out their name, age and sometimes their occupation. There were quite a few law enforcement officers along with firefighters. And every brand of the military was represented. But what surprised me was the amount of teachers racing. Guess dealing with children and parents all week long results in the need for hard training?? As the night marched on, the athletes would come in waves. There wouldn't be anybody for quite a few minutes and then suddenly, we would have a handful coming in at the same time. Some smiling, some looking dazed and others collapsing into the arms of the medics and being wheeled away to be assessed. What I loved seeing were those first timers who had loved ones waiting for them at the finish line.  I must have shed tears at least 10 times during the night, watching the raw emotions that were present. 

     One woman had been waiting with her friends for her mother to finish. The daughter was in probably in her late 20's/early 30's. When her mom crossed that finish line, the daughter was one big ball of emotion. She collapsed onto her mother's shoulders, crying and saying "I'm so proud of you mom" while her mom hugged her. Very touching. And another stand out was when a husband finished in the last stretch (probably the last 15 minutes) and dropped to his knees to kiss his pregnant wife's belly. She had been waiting all evening for him and it was wonderful to watch their celebration. There was a couple who finished the race together, walking across the finish line holding hands and then proceeded to give each other a long kiss for all the world to see.
     There were many more moments I will hold close to my heart but none as much as seeing my friend finish her first Ironman. Simply put, she's amazing. In the midst of working full time, being a single mom and a cancer survivor, she found the dedication, motivation and time to train for this event. I will forever be in awe of her. I don't think she knows how strong, both mentally and physically, she is and that's part of her beauty. Her friends were all waiting at the finish line as they were doing their own volunteer shifts, anticipating her arrival. But best of all, her daughter was there, ready to present her mother with a medal. What a great role model - she was able to witness all the months of hard work and dedication pay off in a race that only a very small percentage of people attempt and even less complete. I had been tracking her all day and was so frustrated when the timing chip didn't register later splits on the bike and then the run. I had no idea if she was still out there or had been pulled from the course. The race has certain cutoff times and if you fail to make those times, you get pulled from the course and are not allowed to finish. Devastating to say the least as most of the athletes have put in months and months of early morning hours, giving up their weekends and social lives to train for this event. So when I saw the 25.4 split register and knew she was going to make it, my heart sang. The announcer yelled out "Susan Stewart, you ARE an Ironman" and the crowd that was waiting for her erupted in cheers and screams. I may or may not have shed a few tears as I saw her running down the finisher's chute, smiling and waving her arms held high while looking beautifully strong and definitely NOT like she had just completed 140.6 miles. Both her and her daughter will forever hold that memory in their hearts. I'm honored and blessed to have been able to witness that moment.

The three musketeers - cold, hungry and tired but happy to have been able to give back

     As the last few minutes of the race drew near, the crowd gathered even more, everyone shouting out as each competitor came across the finish "You ARE an Ironman". It was very cool to see these folks finishing in the home stretch.  One gal finished, smiled for the camera then promptly started to collapse. I followed the medical staff into the building to ensure she got her medal and while I was inside, the last athlete crossed at 11:59:53, with 7 seconds to spare.  I am not sure if anyone finished after midnight but she was the last official finisher. The finish line staff started to pack up, the announcer turned off his microphone and it was time to leave. I met up with Pam, the coordinator for our volunteer group, to let her know I was leaving. She thanked me and I thanked her for giving me this opportunity. Ironman relies on thousands of volunteers for its races and Tahoe is no different.  
 Walking back to my car, my mind was filled with images of the day. And I started thinking, maybe just maybe....next year would be my year for a 70.3 race.  I've already done an Olympic (albeit terribly undertrained) and have registered for another crack at Donner, although this time, I will be trained and especially focus on hills with my bike. I can swim 1.2 miles at the drop of a hat, no problem. And while I'm not all that great at it, I know I can run and run for miles so a half marathon distance wouldn't be too much of an issue. But when you add in a bike and a 56 mile bike ride at that.....well, then it comes a bit more challenging. 

It won't be from Tahoe but a 70.3 medal in my future, perhaps?

     I love running but I love putting all three together even more. Next year, the focus will be on triathlon. Looking forward to all the challenges it will bring about. And I am hoping for more opportunities to volunteer. Giving back a little of what has so freely been given to me was good for the soul. I need more of that. If you find yourself with nothing to do on a weekend, look around your area and see if any local races need help with water stations, packet pick up, etc. You are needed and your help will be appreciated by both the race director and runners who know that without you, there is no race. And if you are racing, remember to thank the boy holding your paper cup of water or the girl handing you a gel. Thank the mom who has gotten up early on her Sunday to stand on the course and make sure you don't get lost. Give a nod and thanks to the nurse or EMT who volunteers their medical services to keep the athletes healthy. Without these folks, you would not be on that course racing. Besides, as my friend Susan taught me (probably unknowingly), it feels good to smile and thank others. Race happy, my friends!

Running for a reason - why getting out of your head and into your heart can make you love running

All the amazing volunteers that made this race possible

So I started my running "career" in 2011 to honor someone I knew who took his own life.  After 30+ years of hating the idea of running, even a block down the street, I became involved with the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention and ran the Tinkerbell Half marathon while raising money for this great charity.  What I found is that I came to love running because it was for something outside of myself.  My running has evolved and I've grown to love it for me but the race I ran this weekend reminded me of why I started running initially.  It allows me to fully appreciate that I am able to do this thing calling running, even if I will never take 1st or qualify for Boston.  Even turtles have their moment! And that's what I love about Running with the Bears Half Marathon in Greenville, CA.  Everyone is celebrated, from the winners to those last runners crossing the finish line. And what I find the most amazing is that all the proceeds from this race go to Mountain Circle Family Services, which helps foster children in the area. I've done many races but none that 100% of the proceeds benefit a charity or foundation. 

The first thing about this race that is unique is the location.  It's in a fairly isolated area of northern California, nestled among the pine trees and pastures.  Most of the races I've participated in are located in big cities or towns, where you have to share the course with traffic unless they close the course and even then, you are running through bustling neighborhoods where there is a lot of activity, cars, etc. Greenville and Taylorsville (the actual little town where the race starts/finishes) is very tiny where the townspeople all seem to know you and give a little wave as you drive by on your way to one of the few motels or campgrounds available for race weekend. If you run this race, you will need to put in your reservation well in advance.  I was on the waiting list for months at one of the locations and only because the awesome race director, Josie, put in on facebook was I able to secure lodging.  I will know better next time!  We headed to packet pick up, where I was greeted by one of the wonderful volunteers who gave me my bib and goodie bag.

My goodie bag was overflowing - and this isn't even the one they hand out to charity runners!

That is the second thing about this race that sets it apart from other races I've done.  Disney races cost hundreds of dollars and while you do get a beautiful medal, your goodie bag is pretty much nonexistent.  Most of the other races provide you with a few samples, some coupons along with your shirt plus your medal.  Not RWTB.  You get a bag stuffed with all kinds of cool stuff, including your own personal bear bell.  You know, in case you come across one on the race course!  We got our wristbands for the pasta dinner and the hoedown as well before heading off to find our motel.  RWTB offers a pasta dinner Friday night and then Saturday night after the race, the volunteers and race director put on a hoedown with dinner, dancing, live music and fun for the younger folks.  We would be back later for the pasta dinner and the charity runner recognition ceremony.  The family and I checked into The Hideaway and met Bink, the owner.  The place reminded me of my grandfather's fishing lodge so I felt at home immediately. We were provided with a warm welcome and got our things settled into the room. The rooms were small and rustic but clean.  And the property was very pretty.  There were deer in the yard which added to the charm.  We hopped back into the car and headed out for dinner.  At the pasta dinner, we were given an option of vegetarian rigatoni or sausage rigatoni along with a salad and garlic bread.  The kids gave a thumbs up to the cookies and brownies.

 Shauna Rossington, who is the Executive Director of Mountain Circle Family Services, started the presentation and talked about what the foundation does for the foster kids in the area.  She also talked about their ski/snowboard program and how it benefits the youth.  After she did a short presentation, she brought up one of the young men who had been in the system.  Not only did he NOT become a statistic, he was getting ready to start school to play football and work on his AA degree.  Being a psychiatric nurse who works with adolescents that are frequently either wards of the state and in foster homes or come from very broken homes, this entire race and its mission hit home. Identifying with what they do made it even more special to participate in this race. Josie was up next; she is the fabulous race director for this race and what a job she has accomplished!  Great things come in small packages and she's no exception. Standing around 5 foot nothing with eyes that smiled and a friendly face, Josie talked about how this race came to fruition. Having some knowledge about what it takes to put on a race of any length, whether a 5k or a marathon, I understand how much work this took.  And to top it off, RWTB is a Boston Qualifier, which is not something every marathon can say. After introducing herself and brief history of the race, they brought up the charity runners. 

My friend Cherie was among the many charity runners who raised money for the foster kids

This is where the magic is - the runners who raised thousands and thousands of dollars for these kids.  And RWTB does an amazing job of recognizing them.  I know bigger races recognize their charity runners as well but not in the same way.  From special goodie bags (you thought the regular runners received a lot in their bags?  Charity runners' bags were even more packed) to personalized shirts, the charity runners were shown appreciation from the race organizers.  After all the speeches, dinner and presentations, we headed back to the room to call it a night. 

I was up early and had arranged to hitch a ride (about 20 minutes) to the start line with one of the gals from the RWTB Training facebook page. Breakfast was a banana and PB sandwich about 2 hours prior the start.  Gathered up my hydration vest filled with Tailwind, my Huma gel that I would take 15 minutes before the start and hopped in Shari's car. I have always loved the running community and the camaraderie it brings.  Where else can you get into a car with a perfect stranger in the middle of nowhere and immediately strike up a conversation?  We stopped to pick up Cherie at the Taylorsville campground then drove up the road to the start.  It was pretty chilly at the race start but being a cold weather runner, this was not bothersome in the least.  It just meant the weather probably be near perfect for the race.  Cherie and I said goodbye and good luck to Shari then headed off for our warm up run. We ran for the 5 minutes coach had told us to then went up the porta potty line to wait while consuming our gels.  Race organizers noticed the long line and took a poll on whether to delay the race a few minutes so everyone could get in their bathroom stop.  What race does that?  I was happy because I really didn't want to start the race without a pit stop first.  I've had some stomach issues and was concerned they would come around again during the race.

The delay was only a few minutes and we were off. I said goodbye to Cherie as her scheduled paces were faster than mine and settled into a comfy rhythm. Another unique thing about this race are the dogs.  Lots of pups running in the race with their humans, complete with bibs.  It was great, although I suspect the person who stepped in the fresh dog poop didn't think it was so awesome.  Oops. At the first mile, I came up on aid station #1, which had a 1950's theme, complete with a gorgeous restored Cadillac and a waitress ready to take our orders.  I was on a "no stopping" pace but I did take the time to look around and smile.  If this was any indication of the upcoming aid stations, I was in for a treat.  After mile 2, it started to get warm enough to take off my shrug. This really was my ideal running weather.  Low 50's and lots of shade on the course. You really feel like you are running with a few of your buddies in the middle of a beautiful valley.  Horses were galloping through the fields while the cows mooed at us running by.

The course really isn't too challenging but has enough small rolling hills to make it interesting.  I was really enjoying this and was right on my scheduled paces, which made me incredibly happy.  My legs felt great and it was right then I realized if I kept this pace, I could possibly PR.  The next aid station were the minions....very cute and extremely encouraging.  I contemplated stopping at the adjoining porta potty there but the line was just too long and at that point, I wasn't ready to throw away my PR just for some GI discomfort. 

As I headed around the corner and onto one of my favorite parts of the course, I took in the beauty of Indian Valley.  Really a lovely place for a run and if I lived here, this would be a regular running route for me.  The next aid station was fabulous (and the station that won for best theme and food).  It was a MASH themed station - while I didn't eat any of the snacks, I heard they had award winning peanut butter balls.  Maybe next year. I was taking in all the sights when I noticed something going on out in the field by this lone cow.  It was hard to see because I was looking directly into the sun but there was some small creature right under the cow and at first, I thought it was a dog or coyote. But the cow didn't appear to be afraid or trying to get away but kept nudging the creature.  I found out later on it was a calf who had just been born minutes prior. So yet another thing that sets this race apart....where else can you see a cow being born during your half marathon?  Hmmm? 

As I checked off the miles, keeping my scheduled paces and feeling accomplished, my stomach had other ideas.  At first, I tried to ignore it but to grew worse and worse.  I temporarily forgot about it as I reached the point where we started to see other runners as they hit the turn around spot for the half marathon.  I was looking for Cherie.  I was hoping she would be coming through soon or I wouldn't see her at all because that meant she was on pace for a PR.  She's been chasing this PR for close to two years and I know how much a PR would mean to her at this particular race. So I had my eyes peeled and then there she was - smiling and looking strong.  We high fived each other and then I was on my own again.  The turn around spot had the belly dancers out and tons of yummy looking snacks.  Unfortunately, I was only interested in a porta potty at that point.  I was still on my scheduled paces and in fact, at the halfway mark, I was at 1:12 which meant if I could keep up that pace, I might PR.  But as I hit miles 8 and 9, it wasn't meant to be.  I had stop....twice.  So while the goal of a PR was no longer a reality, the fact I had been able to maintain the paces given to me by my coach was enough to make this one of my better races in a long time.  If I can get the stomach stuff figured out, I will have my PR.  The difference between how I felt during this races vs. Colfax was night and day. My legs felt heavy and tired at Colfax from the get go.  During RTWB, my legs felt great.  My race times are almost identical for both races but I felt much stronger during this one.

I should mention there is a spot at the end of the course called Illusion Corner.
  And with good reason....as you come around the bend, you see the finish line and it appears to be pretty close.  What you don't realize is the course hugs the side of the mountain and is a tad longer than what it looks to be.  Not nice but having a sign that says "1.7ish miles to go" helped a lot!  I knew at that point just how far I had to go which settled my mind and stomach.  Less than two miles to the porta potty!!  LOL. I continued on, trying to keep up the pace in those last few miles but every time I tried to speed up, my stomach said "nope".  So I texted my hubby and told him it would be about 12-13 minutes for that last mile because I was having to walk a lot.  The winner of the full marathoner passed me in the last mile....amazing!  I will mention here how terrific the weather was - not only is most of the course shaded by beautiful trees but the temps were hovering around the high 50's/low 60's.  Damn near perfect weather. That is enough reason alone for me to run this again!  As I headed into the last .2 miles, I could hear and see the finish....yay!  I have always tried to finish races strong, even if I feel like crap. This was no exception.  I could see two folks ahead of me and I intended to pass them.  One was a 10k'er still trucking along and another was a gal I had been leap frogging with over the last few miles.  I passed them and crossed the finish.

Finishing strong!

I knew my time was close to Colfax and I was happy with that.  I had to stop twice along the course, losing minutes but had I not stopped, much more would have been lost.  And as a FB buddy stated "there are times it is not a good idea to leave it all on the course". Thanks, Dawn!  RWTB had all kinds of post race activities, from a polar plunge to complimentary massages and yummy treats.
I hopped on the massage table and spent 25 minutes getting a lovely post race massage for my calves, hamstrings and lower back.  As we were on the tables, we hear Cherie's husband, son and friend all get called to the podium for placing in their age group.  Good timing, huh?  Oops.  And my amazing friend and running buddy not only got a PR but came within 22 seconds of third place.  She rocks and I'm so happy for her that the PR she has been chasing for all this time was finally obtained at a race I know is close to her heart.  Best part was she looked like she had just been out for a stroll and not running hard for a PR.  We snapped some photos and then it was time for my family and I to head out for some lunch in nearby Chester/Lake Almanor. 

The volunteers not only were there to congratulate the winners but many stuck around for the last runner to cross the finish.  Even the race director escorted a runner across the finish. 

This race celebrated its last place finisher by giving away a new pair of Brooks running shoes.  It also happened to be the runner's 70th birthday the following day - what a nice birthday present!  RWTB does a great job making every runner feel special.  If you are not someone who enjoys a super competitive race atmosphere, this is the perfect venue for you.  While it IS a Boston qualifier and I believe there were several who did qualify, it's apparent that the average runner/walker is appreciated just as much, if not more.  Josie outdid herself with the amazing medals - I've run many races and this medal is right up there with my Disney medals.

The fun wasn't over yet.  We had lunch, drove around scoping out campgrounds for our trip next year (yes, I'm already planning on running this again), cleaned up and rested for a bit then headed back to the facility where they were holding the hoedown and dinner.  We were greeted by more smiling volunteers and grabbed a table.  They had a small petting zoo and bounce house for the kids plus live music going.  Dinner got started a little after 6pm and then Shauna and Josie introduced another foster kid who was a success story along with a runner, Steven, who came all the way from England to run a little marathon in Greenville, CA.  Pretty cool.  Between the race and the charity runners, around $30,000 was raised for foster kids.  How wonderful is that?  I love knowing that 100% of the money was going towards the foundation.  I don't know of another race I've done where that is the case. 

We took part in the Turkey Pie Bingo which quickly turned into the Goat Pie Bingo.  Basically, you buy a square for $10 and if the animal poops on your square, you split the pot 50/50.  Mr. Goat decided to poop in three different squares so it was split up among those winners (we were not one of them...booo). After it got dark, one of the volunteers was handing out sparklers. I've not seen or held a sparkler since leaving Texas.  They are illegal in Nevada and it was great to see them all lit up in the dark.  Folks were dancing, kids were running around and others were relaxing on blankets out on the grass.  A lovely way to end the race weekend.  We would be heading back to reality the next day but I'm already planning our trip next year.  I can't wait to come back and enjoy the small town hospitality, run among the horses and cows....and maybe, just maybe get that PR.  Josie and Shauna....you ladies have something magical in Running with the Bears.  I hope you keep it a small race with that rustic charm.  There is something special you created in Greenville and I look forward to experiencing it again next year.  I will be back as a charity runner next year and hopefully contribute my part to the foundation.  I will look at my foster kids (that I have as patients) through a different set of eyes from now on.  And thank you for reminding me what it feels like to run for a reason.

Donner Lake Olympic Triathlon - a lesson in humility and heart

In the middle of marathon training, I think to myself...."hey, you are doing all this swimming and biking as part of your training.  Why not just sign up for a triathlon and see how you do?".  Common sense would say that since it's been almost two years since my first (and ONLY) triathlon, which was a sprint, that maybe registering for another sprint would be wise.  Nope.  Common sense is a flower that doesn't always bloom in my garden.  So I decide if I'm going to go through the trouble of wriggling into a wetsuit and gathering all the gear necessary for a triathlon, I'm doing an Olympic distance.  But which one?  Oh, let's sign up for Donner!  It's close, Donner Lake is very clean and doesn't cause panic attacks at the thought of swimming in it plus I'm very familiar with the run course as last year, we did three loops around the lake for our 20 miler.  Great.  What I failed to do was pay attention to the bike course.  My first clue to the difficulty in the bike course should have been the word "summit", indicating there *may* be some uphill involved - uphills in which I have no experience.  After I register and share my exciting news with my supervisor, who is an avid cyclist and badass, widens her eyes and remarks "that's a tough course".  Gulp.  Maybe I should have at least driven the course to check it out prior to registering.  So we drive the course.  And I'm pretty sure I'm going to die.

So without any brick workouts, a month or so of once a week swimming intervals to work on speed and not riding any steep hills....okay, not riding any hills whatsoever, I gather my gear the night before the race and remind myself that if it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth doing.  I am up at 3:30am to load the car with everything and am pleasantly surprised that my dear husband is coming along.  I thought I would be doing this all alone, which was a bit disheartening.  Having some support on the course is always welcome and especially when it's from the person who has given you the time and space to train for your races.  So we head up the Donner in the dark and pull into parking as the sun is rising over the lake.  I'm looking around at all these triathletes with their fancy tri bikes and funny helmets, thinking "what the hell have I gotten myself into?"

  
Feeling a bit like a fish out of water, I walk my bike to transition and find a spot on the assigned rack for my gear.  The guy next to me is slathering sunscreen on but stops to give me a friendly smile and ask how I'm doing.  "Uh, nervous".  Oh, that's an understatement. All I can think about is that damn bike course and the 4 mile climb up the side of a mountain.  I can't really think of anything else. Good thing my swimming is dialed in and my strongest discipline; I won't need to waste time and energy thinking about the swim.  And my legs already are well versed in running, even if they aren't very good at it.  I get marked by a volunteer, eat a PB and J then shimmy into my wetsuit.  It's about 49 degrees out and the wetsuit offers some much welcomed warmth.  The fog is rising gently off the glasslike surface of the lake.  I look for the buoys and to my relief, they seem to appear closer than when we were here on packet pick up Friday. Time to warm up and I head into the cool waters of Donner Lake. A couple hundred yards of some slow strokes and I'm ready.  Time for my wave to head over to the start area.  I kiss my hubby goodbye and make sure to remind him of my estimated times for the swim, bike and run.  Little did I know how off I would be for the bike! 

We wade into waters and wait for the countdown.  I'm not in front but not in back either; I've positioned myself behind what looks like some faster women but in front of those who appear to be pretty panicked.  I just pray that my goggles don't get kicked off or someone doesn't try to drown me. I'm used to swimming...a lot.  But not with 50-60 other people at the same time.  3-2-1 and we are off.  Some decide to walk until it's deeper but I put my head down and start swimming.  I am only a couple hundreds yards into it and start to think "my arms feel tired.  WHY are my arms already tired??  I've got about 1200 more yards to go.  My arms CAN'T be tired already".  I shrug it off as nerves and focus on steering clear of the feet in front of me.  The lake is a pretty clean lake but not as clear as Tahoe and I decide that staring into the murky waters is going to bring about a panic attack.  So I close my eyes and rely on sighting (popping your head a bit above the level of the water to ensure you are not off course).  Great, I'm swimming in a straight line and feeling good.  Suddenly, I feel a hand grab onto my ankle.  Okay, back to panic mode.  I shake off the hand and pick up the speed a bit to get away from the potential grabber.  Back into a rhythm, I reach the first buoy and make a left hand turn.  Woohoo!  1/3 of the way done.  My eyes are still closed at this point and I decide to take a peek underwater to see what's in front of me.  Big mistake - huge fish directly in front of me.  Eyes snap back shut and I continue using my sighting to see where I'm going.  A few folks decide to swim the wrong way and are almost swimming on top of me so I once again pick up the speed a bit to get away from them.  I round the second buoy and head for the shore.  I've passed a lot of green caps, which was the wave before me. As I come into shore, I pick up the speed a bit and start kicking to get the blood flowing in my legs and.....CRAMP.  What???  I never cramp when swimming.  What the hell is this???  I can't have my calf cramping now, I still have to bike and run.  WTF.  Stop kicking, cramp subsides for the most part.  I glide into shore, stand up and get ready to run (okay, walk briskly) to T1.  I see my husband then I hear some crazy lady screaming my name and cheering. 

It's Joni!  She came to cheer me on!!!  I'm excited but I'm also a little oxygen deprived and the only thing I am aware of is someone in a Sparkleskirt on the side of the course.  I immediately think how I have to tell my best running buddy and skirt wearing cohort that I saw a Sparkleskirt at the triathlon.  Then the fog clears, I hear Joni saying that Cherie is here to cheer me on as well and realize the skirt wearer IS Cherie. I chuckle to myself, give Joni a wet hug and continue into T1 to get ready for certain death.  I mean, the bike course.
 
 
I had already decided I would be taking my time in transition.  I have not practiced transition, I'm not "racing" this triathlon and I need the extra few minutes to get my legs rested and consume some food.  I down a Huma gel, take a swig of water, dry off and get my cycling gear on.  Head out of T1 and right into the climb that starts across the street.  Here goes nothing.  I throw into my easiest gear and start to spin up the hill.  There is one brief flat spot a little over a mile up where I make sure to take a few swigs of my Tailwind.  The course immediately goes right back into a straight climb. I'm being passed by experienced triathletes and getting encouragement left and right (can they see how badly I'm sucking??  Is it that obvious?).  Those words, kind smiles and thumbs up help me to keep my legs moving.  My main goal for the bike was to NOT have to get off and walk up the initial hill.  As I hit the summit, it suddenly hits me....I didn't have to walk!!!  Wahoo!!!  I made it and yell out "F*ck yeah!".  Down a few more swigs of Tailwind and I'm ready to rock and roll.

I switch gears and get ready to fly down the hill on the backside that leads out to the turnaround.  I'm cruising and my legs are enjoying the break.  A few small hills here and there but nothing big and they are short.  I pass the small towns of Kingvale and Soda Springs where some of the townspeople are out, cheering everyone on.  I am thanking people left and right for volunteering or coming out to encourage us.  As I hit mile 8 or so, I pick up speed and am hauling ass down a nice, long decline.  I wonder to myself why the athletes on the other side of the road seem to moving rather slowly...I would soon find out, unfortunately.  I hit the turn around and head back towards Donner.  It immediately occurs to me - this is an incline and a rather long one.  Okay, drop back into my easy gear and start spinning.  And spinning.  My cadence is slowing and I'm already in my easiest gear. This is hard.  Why didn't anyone tell me about THIS part of the course???  I was so focused on that first 4 miles, I had no idea the backside was a total grinder and pretty much all uphill.  I would come around another corner and there would be yet another hill.  I thought to myself if I saw another hill, there would be tears.  Seriously.  I'm now contemplating how difficult it would be to roll into transition and tell them I wanted to do the Aquabike instead and be done.  I wasn't looking forward to having to run 6 1/2 miles after this death climb.  I hit mile 20 and after a quick glance at my Garmin, realize I will be nowhere near the 1:45-2:00 mark I had told hubby.  Oops. 

I start what I consider the best part of the bike - the 4 miles winding downhill to Donner Lake.  Gorgeous views as I hit 40mph on my way down to the transition.  What took me 45 minutes to get up probably took me 2 minutes to ride down.  Amazing.  That last part *almost* made the first 20 miles worth it.  Almost.

I roll to the bottom, put my foot down as required then hop back on and head over the entrance to transition.  I see my husband, he asks me how it was and my reply "the hardest thing I've ever fucking done" gets recorded on video. I'm so relieved to be done with the bike, amazed I made it without walking and happy to get my butt out of the saddle.  It will be days before I can sit comfortably. The longest I've ever been on my bike was about 1:30-1:45.  Today's ride took me 2:18 and my rear end is paying for it. Lesson #384 I've learned from this triathlon so far - spend more time in the saddle.  Lots more time. I've been humbled by the Donner bike course. Roll my bike into T2 and switch into my running shoes, down another Huma gel in preparation for the run then it's time to finish this thing.  I start to run. 

Nope.  A whole lotta nope there. Not doing brick workouts at all plus the cramping I had earlier in my calf are coming back to bite me in the ass.  I revert to a run/walk/run interval and keep that up throughout the entire 6.5 miles around Donner.  Joni joins me in the first part, riding next to me on my bike.  I can't tell you how happy it makes me to have my two buddies there to cheer me one, along with my wonderful husband. It gives me energy to have them there and I can't wait to see them on the other side of the finish.  Joni snaps a few photos, gives me some words of encouragement then rides back to the finish area to wait.  I'm being passed by all the half distance athletes on their first loop around Donner - they are making it look easy.  I'm envious.  I get passed by what would turn out to the first female finisher and you would never know she just rode 56 miles on that bike course. I head into Donner State park where families are camping and swimming - I briefly consider joining them for a hot dog and dip in the lake.  I know what's coming in a few minutes.  The nasty hill on the backside of the lake.  I'm happy I only have to run it once this time (during our marathon training, hitting that thing three times was torture).  Everyone is walking up that hill, even the elite looking athletes who are doing the half distance.  I am reassured by the fact that hill is making everyone walk.  I get to the top and see an aid station, where I head over to refill my water. Then I see the most glorious sight of all - potato chips.  A huge bowl of potato chips.  I don't usually eat potato chips, especially Ruffles because they are so salty.  But today?  I grab as big a handful as I can and stuff them into my mouth as the helpful volunteer is going over all the goodies available for the taking.  I don't care about the licorice, the gels, etc.  Give me more potato chips. I wash them down with a few swigs of water and get going again.  At this point, I feel like I'm the only one out on the course still but I know the half distance athletes still have to make another loop. The rolling hills aren't too horrible but at this point, I'm ready to be done.  I want food.  I want a Coke.  And I want to lay down.  But I keep trucking along, walking and running, running and walking.  I see cars driving by with their bikes already loaded and know that I'm still out on the course while these folks have finished, celebrated, packed up and are driving home. It's a bit demoralizing but at the same time, I think to myself "next time, I train and train appropriately".  I suddenly hear the race announcer and know I am close.  I shuffle along and turn right into the beginning of the chute. Make a left and there it is....the finish.  OMG.  I'm going to actually finish this thing.  An Olympic distance triathlon.  No matter that I am *pretty sure* I'm DFL in the Oly distance.  I don't care.  I cross the finish and start to cry.  They give me this small, rather plain medal but at that point, it's more beautiful than any Disney medal I've ever gotten. This represents mind and heart.  What I lacked in physical ability, I made up for with my heart and soul.  I didn't let myself get defeated by my head. 

I hug my husband and friends.  It warms my heart to have these ladies here and it means the world to me to have my husband here.  I wouldn't be able to do these races or train the way I do without his support. We stand around chatting for a few, cheer the first female finisher for the half distance then I realize I'm starving and my legs hurt. I say goodbye to Cherie and Joni then head into transition to gather up my things.  As we pile into the car and head out of Donner, I realize I'm capable of so much more than I think and anything is possible if I believe in myself.  I didn't have a lot of goals for this race but the ones I did have, the most important ones....well, those are the ones I met.  I wanted a 33 minute swim and I did that - easily and without much effort. Goal #1 met.  I didn't want to have to get off my bike and walk up that damn hill.  And I didn't.  Goal #2 met.  But most of all, I wanted to finish and have the desire to come back and do it again. Goal #3 met. It is at this moment, I think about my coach and how she always believes in me, no matter what.  I knew she wasn't exactly thrilled I had registered for this in the midst of marathon training but she supported me and did what she could to help me prepare for this with her words of encouragement. Caolan believed in me until I was able to believe in myself.  She's taught me that running is more than just our bodies.  It's what is in our minds and hearts as well. 

This triathlon has reignited a desire that I suspected was there all along.  I am ready to switch my focus from long distance running to triathlons.  I'm ready to make a commitment and complete a half Ironman distance next year.  I have to keep my focus on my immediate goals, which is completing the Portland and New York marathons 28 days apart.  That will be my biggest challenge yet.  After New York, I have to sit down and figure out what I want from 2016 and how I will go about getting it. At this point, I have no idea. Donner has given me enough confidence to get through these two marathons, no matter what.  Life has no limits.  We impose our own limits sometimes and it keeps us from doing the very things we desire out of fear.

....and almost 2 years later.....

I stink at updating this thing.  Surprising since I am so intimate with my computer and being online.  My last post was September 2013 and I believe I was getting ready to embark on marathon training in preparation for CIM 2013.  That never happened.  Ended up with an Achilles injury around November and smartly withdrew from the race. Decided to change coaches and ended up with an online coach who has enriched my life far beyond just running.  I DID complete a marathon last year in Portland but it didn't go as planned (does life ever?).  Just prior to the race, I had a brief relapse in sobriety after changing jobs in an effort to chase after more money and "prestige". That found me isolating from those I had grown close to, skipping meetings, hiding from my sponsor, working nights with little sleep during the day and struggling through marathon training as a result.  I ran the marathon but was not "present" for that experience.

I'm blessed to say I am back on track and looking forward to another chance in Portland - to experience a marathon the way it should be experienced.  I won't be running for myself this time. I will be running Portland for Pops.  My father-in-law passed away after a courageous and lengthy battle with leukemia so I will be running in his honor and memory. He approached life much like one should approach a marathon - with tenacious courage and strength even through adversity.  He "ran the mile he was in" and looked at what needed to be done at that time, not worrying and focused on what was down the road. The loss of my father-in-law will be felt deeply by all those who loved and knew him.

Life is meant to be lived fully and completely.  We aren't promised tomorrow and "later" may never come.  I am going to work at keeping this blog updated with my training and tribulations in life - there are things around the bend for which I am excited. Not just to add that sticker to my car (okay, I am guilty of that as well) but to face my fear and "do it anyway".  My conversations with my Higher Power are deepest in those moments when I'm training or in the middle of a difficult race - where I want to quit so badly - where I think I can't and I'm not good enough. I am able to look inside myself and realize I have an amazing God who is there along for the ride. I'm not an overly religious person and prefer to think in terms of spirituality.  But I do have a favorite verse from the Bible that will become my mantra over the next year or so.  Hebrews 12:1 - And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. My father in law did that. He ran his race that God set out for him and did so with quiet dignity and strength. My intention is to honor that strength and bring him along for my miles over the next year, tackling two marathons and a half Ironman.  I welcome the company on this journey, both from my father-in-law's spirit and from my Higher Power. Life is meant to be lived. Your dreams are out there, waiting for you - go get 'em!