I've made it no secret that my first marathon in 2014 was a train wreck. There were many reasons, most notably after 6 years of sobriety, I relapsed about a month prior to the race. So I wasn't really in optimal health - physically, mentally or emotionally - come race day. I was also working nights at the time, getting very little sleep and dealing with life changes all the way around. I had been working through some minor injuries which are just now resolving, over a year later. All of that made for a perfect storm and it's a miracle I was able to complete the race. I managed to cross the finish line in 6 hours but it was a miserable experience. The last 10 miles were spent doing a lot of walking, crying and feeling hopeless. This past year, it's been difficult to even think of myself as a marathoner. I've been waiting a year to come back and do it right.
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| Cherie and I on our way to the corrals |
Everything has been different this year versus last, from the training to my sleep schedule to my weight and nutrition. I also made sure not to distance myself from the AA program, attending meetings and taking on a secretary position while keeping in contact with my sponsor so I could maintain my sobriety. Instead of doing a traditional long run each weekend, my coach had me do long-ish back to back runs. So instead of a 20 miler, I did something like a 10 miler Saturday and a 16 miler Sunday. This seemed to work out well for my legs and I felt like recovery was better with this method. I also became very protective of my sleep. Last year, I was averaging about 5 hours a day (I worked nights) and this year, I was careful to get at least 8 hours most nights. Thankfully, I had gone back to a traditional work schedule and was able to get adequate sleep. I also trained alone for the most part. Last year, my good friend Cherie and I trained together for the marathon but I knew in my heart we were different runners with different paces. I wanted her to challenge herself and reach her goals, not be along for the ride while I reached mine. So she trained at her paces and I trained at mine. While I missed the company a lot, I think the results were worth it. She was able to take an hour off her time this year and I was so happy for her. My weight was vastly different as well. I had gained about 12lbs last year while training for Portland. Determined not to let that happen again (and because I was still carrying that extra weight around), I really focused on my nutrition this training cycle. I increased my carbs to provide extra energy and made sure I didn't "eat back" my calories burned on long run days. This resulted in my losing weight, albeit slowly, while marathon training. I toed the starting line of Portland 10lbs lighter than last year. I am happy to say I enjoyed training for this marathon so much that I'm looking forward to doing it again. And that is a turning point because earlier this year, after a disappointing performance in Colfax, I was ready to hang up my running shoes for good.
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| Sandra and I at Colfax - the day did not go as planned but many lessons were learned |
As the marathon drew closer, I had to figure out my goals for the race. This is where I struggled. Because last year I ran a 6 hour marathon, I knew I could better my time significantly without much trouble (or so I thought - as my coach likes to remind me, nothing is a guarantee). So it seemed like setting easy goals might be the way to go. Or I could set goals based on how my training had been doing. But I was in fear of setting a time goal that would leave me disappointed and feeling like a failure as I did last year. In 2014, my three goals were (A) 5:15-5:20 (B) 6:00 and (C) to finish. So while I did accomplish my C goal and met my B goal (my official time was 6:00:01, I think), it left me feeling like I failed my coach, my running partner, my family and myself because it just didn't feel right and it certainly didn't feel like an accomplishment. It felt like a chore I had gotten done. I didn't want to feel like that again. Finishing your first marathon is supposed to be a glorious accomplishment, one that when you look back on, you smile and think "yeah, I did that". There was none of that in my heart when I thought about the 2014 Portland Marathon. It was all tears, pain and lies. So this year, when my coach asked me what my goals would be, I felt this internal struggle of how to answer her.
I thought about taking the easy way out and setting forth the following goals: (A) goal would be 5:40, my (B) goal would be 5:45 and the (C) goal would be 5:50. In training, I had been running paces of around 12:45-13:00 so I knew that I could reach all of these goals, even if something went a little awry. I was scared to set a goal of a 12:00 or even a 12:30 pace. Because if I didn't reach it, that feeling of failure would return and I might just quit running altogether. I would feel like I let everyone down again. At some point through this process, I thought about the pep talk my coach gave me in May when I was crying on her couch about quitting running. The realization that she believed in me even if I didn't at that point gave me the courage to set goals that were a little more challenging. I decided that my (A) goal would be 5:15, (B) goal would be 5:30 and my (C) goal would be 5:45. I knew that a 5:45 marathon would be possible, even if the weather warmed up, I had to make a bathroom stop or even if the wheels fell off at the end. And I also knew in my heart, that while a 5:30 time was a little more challenging, if all went right that day, I could reach that and be happy with my performance. With the 5:15 goal, it was a "reach for the stars" kind of thing. I do think I'm capable of that, but everything from weather conditions to my GI system would have to on point come race day. I emailed my coach the goals and that was that.
Cherie and I flew into Portland Friday before the race. It was looking to be repeat of last year, weather-wise, which didn't make me all that happy. I don't run well in warmer temperatures and I was hoping this year, it would be that quintessential Portland weather - overcast, cool and drizzling rain. It was not to be and when Sunday rolled around, the weather would prove almost identical to last with the exception of a light breeze, which was greatly appreciated. We hopped on the train into downtown so we could hit packet pick up at the expo. Walked around, checking out merchandise and spent a little cash on some cute shirts and stickers. We picked up our rental car and headed to the Airbnb house we had reserved. It was located high in the hills above Portland and was a beautiful English style cottage house. Our host was Maureen and she welcomed us into her home. Definitely a good choice versus a hotel downtown.
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| Lots to see and do at the Portland Saturday Market! |
Saturday, we woke up early and drove to one of the many trailheads located around Portland. We were scheduled for a 3 mile shake out run and while the pace was shake out pace, the hilly terrain was not. Oops! But the views were well worth a little bit of hill training. The trails here are just beautiful. I fell in love within minutes and decided I needed to move to Portland. LOL. It was a beautiful morning for a run and just what we needed. Stopped home, cleaned up then headed out to the Portland Saturday Market. This was a fun, eclectic event with crafters and yummy smelling food. Unfortunately, due to the marathon being the following day, I wasn't about to try any of the unfamiliar foods but they smelled awfully good. After doing some shopping, we decided to rest our legs and hit the hot tub at Maureen's that evening. I was able to get to sleep at a decent hour but still overslept on race morning. Oops. Thankfully, Cherie called down the hallway to see if I was awake! After a light breakfast, I got dressed and we headed out for downtown. Traffic was kind of a nightmare but we managed to find a parking spot. Time to get this thing done! Stopped at the Hilton for a quick bathroom break then went to find our corral.
We met up with Karey, exchanged hugs and took some pictures then it was time to jump into our corrals with the rest of the crowd. I felt strangely calm and peaceful, very unlike last year. I was running this race in memory of my father-in-law and had his bib on my back. It gave me comfort, knowing I would have him beside me through all the miles. This race was for the both of us but I had his strength to guide me through it. As we moved up after the beginning corrals had started, I started to get excited. I was so ready for this, so much more than last year. My coach had sent me words of encouragement and love the night before; I knew she was confident in my abilities to run this race well. I felt that same confidence and was grinning from ear to ear. I was there to have fun, be grateful and run with a happy heart. My legs would know what to do and the hay was in the barn, so to speak.
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| The skirts representing - and all smiles! Karey, Cherie and I in the corrals before the start |
We lined up at the start and off we went - my Garmin was completely wonky and telling me I was running a 20 minute mile pace which was frustrating. I knew one of the keys to a good race was to start slow and I had no idea what pace I was running at because I couldn't really judge from how I felt. I always feel super strong and terrific at the start of a race and can run a 10 minute pace while thinking I'm running a 12 minute pace. Not good when you've got 26 miles to go! I increased my pace a tiny bit and figured my Garmin would right itself when we were away from all the buildings. Well, it did correct itself but not until about mile 2, after I realized I was running too darn fast. My 5k split was 11:57. Damn it. The first few miles were a bit boring and I was trying to focus on keeping it slow and steady. I was also concentrating on making sure I took in my Tailwind on a consistent basis. It was a fairly new fueling strategy I had been using for a couple months and I had to remember to keep sipping off my handheld. As I hit each mile marker, I would glance at my pace band (which was for a 5:30 pace) and remark "damn it" or "oops". I had strict instructions not to run faster than 12:30-12:40 for the first 18 miles and I was trucking along at a 12:00 minute pace. But even knowing I was going out too fast, I could NOT manage to slow my butt down enough. My 10k pace was marginally better than my 5k at 12:05 but still way too fast for the start of a marathon. This might turn out to be an interesting day........
To be continued in a follow up blog post.
