Running for a reason - why getting out of your head and into your heart can make you love running

All the amazing volunteers that made this race possible

So I started my running "career" in 2011 to honor someone I knew who took his own life.  After 30+ years of hating the idea of running, even a block down the street, I became involved with the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention and ran the Tinkerbell Half marathon while raising money for this great charity.  What I found is that I came to love running because it was for something outside of myself.  My running has evolved and I've grown to love it for me but the race I ran this weekend reminded me of why I started running initially.  It allows me to fully appreciate that I am able to do this thing calling running, even if I will never take 1st or qualify for Boston.  Even turtles have their moment! And that's what I love about Running with the Bears Half Marathon in Greenville, CA.  Everyone is celebrated, from the winners to those last runners crossing the finish line. And what I find the most amazing is that all the proceeds from this race go to Mountain Circle Family Services, which helps foster children in the area. I've done many races but none that 100% of the proceeds benefit a charity or foundation. 

The first thing about this race that is unique is the location.  It's in a fairly isolated area of northern California, nestled among the pine trees and pastures.  Most of the races I've participated in are located in big cities or towns, where you have to share the course with traffic unless they close the course and even then, you are running through bustling neighborhoods where there is a lot of activity, cars, etc. Greenville and Taylorsville (the actual little town where the race starts/finishes) is very tiny where the townspeople all seem to know you and give a little wave as you drive by on your way to one of the few motels or campgrounds available for race weekend. If you run this race, you will need to put in your reservation well in advance.  I was on the waiting list for months at one of the locations and only because the awesome race director, Josie, put in on facebook was I able to secure lodging.  I will know better next time!  We headed to packet pick up, where I was greeted by one of the wonderful volunteers who gave me my bib and goodie bag.

My goodie bag was overflowing - and this isn't even the one they hand out to charity runners!

That is the second thing about this race that sets it apart from other races I've done.  Disney races cost hundreds of dollars and while you do get a beautiful medal, your goodie bag is pretty much nonexistent.  Most of the other races provide you with a few samples, some coupons along with your shirt plus your medal.  Not RWTB.  You get a bag stuffed with all kinds of cool stuff, including your own personal bear bell.  You know, in case you come across one on the race course!  We got our wristbands for the pasta dinner and the hoedown as well before heading off to find our motel.  RWTB offers a pasta dinner Friday night and then Saturday night after the race, the volunteers and race director put on a hoedown with dinner, dancing, live music and fun for the younger folks.  We would be back later for the pasta dinner and the charity runner recognition ceremony.  The family and I checked into The Hideaway and met Bink, the owner.  The place reminded me of my grandfather's fishing lodge so I felt at home immediately. We were provided with a warm welcome and got our things settled into the room. The rooms were small and rustic but clean.  And the property was very pretty.  There were deer in the yard which added to the charm.  We hopped back into the car and headed out for dinner.  At the pasta dinner, we were given an option of vegetarian rigatoni or sausage rigatoni along with a salad and garlic bread.  The kids gave a thumbs up to the cookies and brownies.

 Shauna Rossington, who is the Executive Director of Mountain Circle Family Services, started the presentation and talked about what the foundation does for the foster kids in the area.  She also talked about their ski/snowboard program and how it benefits the youth.  After she did a short presentation, she brought up one of the young men who had been in the system.  Not only did he NOT become a statistic, he was getting ready to start school to play football and work on his AA degree.  Being a psychiatric nurse who works with adolescents that are frequently either wards of the state and in foster homes or come from very broken homes, this entire race and its mission hit home. Identifying with what they do made it even more special to participate in this race. Josie was up next; she is the fabulous race director for this race and what a job she has accomplished!  Great things come in small packages and she's no exception. Standing around 5 foot nothing with eyes that smiled and a friendly face, Josie talked about how this race came to fruition. Having some knowledge about what it takes to put on a race of any length, whether a 5k or a marathon, I understand how much work this took.  And to top it off, RWTB is a Boston Qualifier, which is not something every marathon can say. After introducing herself and brief history of the race, they brought up the charity runners. 

My friend Cherie was among the many charity runners who raised money for the foster kids

This is where the magic is - the runners who raised thousands and thousands of dollars for these kids.  And RWTB does an amazing job of recognizing them.  I know bigger races recognize their charity runners as well but not in the same way.  From special goodie bags (you thought the regular runners received a lot in their bags?  Charity runners' bags were even more packed) to personalized shirts, the charity runners were shown appreciation from the race organizers.  After all the speeches, dinner and presentations, we headed back to the room to call it a night. 

I was up early and had arranged to hitch a ride (about 20 minutes) to the start line with one of the gals from the RWTB Training facebook page. Breakfast was a banana and PB sandwich about 2 hours prior the start.  Gathered up my hydration vest filled with Tailwind, my Huma gel that I would take 15 minutes before the start and hopped in Shari's car. I have always loved the running community and the camaraderie it brings.  Where else can you get into a car with a perfect stranger in the middle of nowhere and immediately strike up a conversation?  We stopped to pick up Cherie at the Taylorsville campground then drove up the road to the start.  It was pretty chilly at the race start but being a cold weather runner, this was not bothersome in the least.  It just meant the weather probably be near perfect for the race.  Cherie and I said goodbye and good luck to Shari then headed off for our warm up run. We ran for the 5 minutes coach had told us to then went up the porta potty line to wait while consuming our gels.  Race organizers noticed the long line and took a poll on whether to delay the race a few minutes so everyone could get in their bathroom stop.  What race does that?  I was happy because I really didn't want to start the race without a pit stop first.  I've had some stomach issues and was concerned they would come around again during the race.

The delay was only a few minutes and we were off. I said goodbye to Cherie as her scheduled paces were faster than mine and settled into a comfy rhythm. Another unique thing about this race are the dogs.  Lots of pups running in the race with their humans, complete with bibs.  It was great, although I suspect the person who stepped in the fresh dog poop didn't think it was so awesome.  Oops. At the first mile, I came up on aid station #1, which had a 1950's theme, complete with a gorgeous restored Cadillac and a waitress ready to take our orders.  I was on a "no stopping" pace but I did take the time to look around and smile.  If this was any indication of the upcoming aid stations, I was in for a treat.  After mile 2, it started to get warm enough to take off my shrug. This really was my ideal running weather.  Low 50's and lots of shade on the course. You really feel like you are running with a few of your buddies in the middle of a beautiful valley.  Horses were galloping through the fields while the cows mooed at us running by.

The course really isn't too challenging but has enough small rolling hills to make it interesting.  I was really enjoying this and was right on my scheduled paces, which made me incredibly happy.  My legs felt great and it was right then I realized if I kept this pace, I could possibly PR.  The next aid station were the minions....very cute and extremely encouraging.  I contemplated stopping at the adjoining porta potty there but the line was just too long and at that point, I wasn't ready to throw away my PR just for some GI discomfort. 

As I headed around the corner and onto one of my favorite parts of the course, I took in the beauty of Indian Valley.  Really a lovely place for a run and if I lived here, this would be a regular running route for me.  The next aid station was fabulous (and the station that won for best theme and food).  It was a MASH themed station - while I didn't eat any of the snacks, I heard they had award winning peanut butter balls.  Maybe next year. I was taking in all the sights when I noticed something going on out in the field by this lone cow.  It was hard to see because I was looking directly into the sun but there was some small creature right under the cow and at first, I thought it was a dog or coyote. But the cow didn't appear to be afraid or trying to get away but kept nudging the creature.  I found out later on it was a calf who had just been born minutes prior. So yet another thing that sets this race apart....where else can you see a cow being born during your half marathon?  Hmmm? 

As I checked off the miles, keeping my scheduled paces and feeling accomplished, my stomach had other ideas.  At first, I tried to ignore it but to grew worse and worse.  I temporarily forgot about it as I reached the point where we started to see other runners as they hit the turn around spot for the half marathon.  I was looking for Cherie.  I was hoping she would be coming through soon or I wouldn't see her at all because that meant she was on pace for a PR.  She's been chasing this PR for close to two years and I know how much a PR would mean to her at this particular race. So I had my eyes peeled and then there she was - smiling and looking strong.  We high fived each other and then I was on my own again.  The turn around spot had the belly dancers out and tons of yummy looking snacks.  Unfortunately, I was only interested in a porta potty at that point.  I was still on my scheduled paces and in fact, at the halfway mark, I was at 1:12 which meant if I could keep up that pace, I might PR.  But as I hit miles 8 and 9, it wasn't meant to be.  I had stop....twice.  So while the goal of a PR was no longer a reality, the fact I had been able to maintain the paces given to me by my coach was enough to make this one of my better races in a long time.  If I can get the stomach stuff figured out, I will have my PR.  The difference between how I felt during this races vs. Colfax was night and day. My legs felt heavy and tired at Colfax from the get go.  During RTWB, my legs felt great.  My race times are almost identical for both races but I felt much stronger during this one.

I should mention there is a spot at the end of the course called Illusion Corner.
  And with good reason....as you come around the bend, you see the finish line and it appears to be pretty close.  What you don't realize is the course hugs the side of the mountain and is a tad longer than what it looks to be.  Not nice but having a sign that says "1.7ish miles to go" helped a lot!  I knew at that point just how far I had to go which settled my mind and stomach.  Less than two miles to the porta potty!!  LOL. I continued on, trying to keep up the pace in those last few miles but every time I tried to speed up, my stomach said "nope".  So I texted my hubby and told him it would be about 12-13 minutes for that last mile because I was having to walk a lot.  The winner of the full marathoner passed me in the last mile....amazing!  I will mention here how terrific the weather was - not only is most of the course shaded by beautiful trees but the temps were hovering around the high 50's/low 60's.  Damn near perfect weather. That is enough reason alone for me to run this again!  As I headed into the last .2 miles, I could hear and see the finish....yay!  I have always tried to finish races strong, even if I feel like crap. This was no exception.  I could see two folks ahead of me and I intended to pass them.  One was a 10k'er still trucking along and another was a gal I had been leap frogging with over the last few miles.  I passed them and crossed the finish.

Finishing strong!

I knew my time was close to Colfax and I was happy with that.  I had to stop twice along the course, losing minutes but had I not stopped, much more would have been lost.  And as a FB buddy stated "there are times it is not a good idea to leave it all on the course". Thanks, Dawn!  RWTB had all kinds of post race activities, from a polar plunge to complimentary massages and yummy treats.
I hopped on the massage table and spent 25 minutes getting a lovely post race massage for my calves, hamstrings and lower back.  As we were on the tables, we hear Cherie's husband, son and friend all get called to the podium for placing in their age group.  Good timing, huh?  Oops.  And my amazing friend and running buddy not only got a PR but came within 22 seconds of third place.  She rocks and I'm so happy for her that the PR she has been chasing for all this time was finally obtained at a race I know is close to her heart.  Best part was she looked like she had just been out for a stroll and not running hard for a PR.  We snapped some photos and then it was time for my family and I to head out for some lunch in nearby Chester/Lake Almanor. 

The volunteers not only were there to congratulate the winners but many stuck around for the last runner to cross the finish.  Even the race director escorted a runner across the finish. 

This race celebrated its last place finisher by giving away a new pair of Brooks running shoes.  It also happened to be the runner's 70th birthday the following day - what a nice birthday present!  RWTB does a great job making every runner feel special.  If you are not someone who enjoys a super competitive race atmosphere, this is the perfect venue for you.  While it IS a Boston qualifier and I believe there were several who did qualify, it's apparent that the average runner/walker is appreciated just as much, if not more.  Josie outdid herself with the amazing medals - I've run many races and this medal is right up there with my Disney medals.

The fun wasn't over yet.  We had lunch, drove around scoping out campgrounds for our trip next year (yes, I'm already planning on running this again), cleaned up and rested for a bit then headed back to the facility where they were holding the hoedown and dinner.  We were greeted by more smiling volunteers and grabbed a table.  They had a small petting zoo and bounce house for the kids plus live music going.  Dinner got started a little after 6pm and then Shauna and Josie introduced another foster kid who was a success story along with a runner, Steven, who came all the way from England to run a little marathon in Greenville, CA.  Pretty cool.  Between the race and the charity runners, around $30,000 was raised for foster kids.  How wonderful is that?  I love knowing that 100% of the money was going towards the foundation.  I don't know of another race I've done where that is the case. 

We took part in the Turkey Pie Bingo which quickly turned into the Goat Pie Bingo.  Basically, you buy a square for $10 and if the animal poops on your square, you split the pot 50/50.  Mr. Goat decided to poop in three different squares so it was split up among those winners (we were not one of them...booo). After it got dark, one of the volunteers was handing out sparklers. I've not seen or held a sparkler since leaving Texas.  They are illegal in Nevada and it was great to see them all lit up in the dark.  Folks were dancing, kids were running around and others were relaxing on blankets out on the grass.  A lovely way to end the race weekend.  We would be heading back to reality the next day but I'm already planning our trip next year.  I can't wait to come back and enjoy the small town hospitality, run among the horses and cows....and maybe, just maybe get that PR.  Josie and Shauna....you ladies have something magical in Running with the Bears.  I hope you keep it a small race with that rustic charm.  There is something special you created in Greenville and I look forward to experiencing it again next year.  I will be back as a charity runner next year and hopefully contribute my part to the foundation.  I will look at my foster kids (that I have as patients) through a different set of eyes from now on.  And thank you for reminding me what it feels like to run for a reason.

Donner Lake Olympic Triathlon - a lesson in humility and heart

In the middle of marathon training, I think to myself...."hey, you are doing all this swimming and biking as part of your training.  Why not just sign up for a triathlon and see how you do?".  Common sense would say that since it's been almost two years since my first (and ONLY) triathlon, which was a sprint, that maybe registering for another sprint would be wise.  Nope.  Common sense is a flower that doesn't always bloom in my garden.  So I decide if I'm going to go through the trouble of wriggling into a wetsuit and gathering all the gear necessary for a triathlon, I'm doing an Olympic distance.  But which one?  Oh, let's sign up for Donner!  It's close, Donner Lake is very clean and doesn't cause panic attacks at the thought of swimming in it plus I'm very familiar with the run course as last year, we did three loops around the lake for our 20 miler.  Great.  What I failed to do was pay attention to the bike course.  My first clue to the difficulty in the bike course should have been the word "summit", indicating there *may* be some uphill involved - uphills in which I have no experience.  After I register and share my exciting news with my supervisor, who is an avid cyclist and badass, widens her eyes and remarks "that's a tough course".  Gulp.  Maybe I should have at least driven the course to check it out prior to registering.  So we drive the course.  And I'm pretty sure I'm going to die.

So without any brick workouts, a month or so of once a week swimming intervals to work on speed and not riding any steep hills....okay, not riding any hills whatsoever, I gather my gear the night before the race and remind myself that if it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth doing.  I am up at 3:30am to load the car with everything and am pleasantly surprised that my dear husband is coming along.  I thought I would be doing this all alone, which was a bit disheartening.  Having some support on the course is always welcome and especially when it's from the person who has given you the time and space to train for your races.  So we head up the Donner in the dark and pull into parking as the sun is rising over the lake.  I'm looking around at all these triathletes with their fancy tri bikes and funny helmets, thinking "what the hell have I gotten myself into?"

  
Feeling a bit like a fish out of water, I walk my bike to transition and find a spot on the assigned rack for my gear.  The guy next to me is slathering sunscreen on but stops to give me a friendly smile and ask how I'm doing.  "Uh, nervous".  Oh, that's an understatement. All I can think about is that damn bike course and the 4 mile climb up the side of a mountain.  I can't really think of anything else. Good thing my swimming is dialed in and my strongest discipline; I won't need to waste time and energy thinking about the swim.  And my legs already are well versed in running, even if they aren't very good at it.  I get marked by a volunteer, eat a PB and J then shimmy into my wetsuit.  It's about 49 degrees out and the wetsuit offers some much welcomed warmth.  The fog is rising gently off the glasslike surface of the lake.  I look for the buoys and to my relief, they seem to appear closer than when we were here on packet pick up Friday. Time to warm up and I head into the cool waters of Donner Lake. A couple hundred yards of some slow strokes and I'm ready.  Time for my wave to head over to the start area.  I kiss my hubby goodbye and make sure to remind him of my estimated times for the swim, bike and run.  Little did I know how off I would be for the bike! 

We wade into waters and wait for the countdown.  I'm not in front but not in back either; I've positioned myself behind what looks like some faster women but in front of those who appear to be pretty panicked.  I just pray that my goggles don't get kicked off or someone doesn't try to drown me. I'm used to swimming...a lot.  But not with 50-60 other people at the same time.  3-2-1 and we are off.  Some decide to walk until it's deeper but I put my head down and start swimming.  I am only a couple hundreds yards into it and start to think "my arms feel tired.  WHY are my arms already tired??  I've got about 1200 more yards to go.  My arms CAN'T be tired already".  I shrug it off as nerves and focus on steering clear of the feet in front of me.  The lake is a pretty clean lake but not as clear as Tahoe and I decide that staring into the murky waters is going to bring about a panic attack.  So I close my eyes and rely on sighting (popping your head a bit above the level of the water to ensure you are not off course).  Great, I'm swimming in a straight line and feeling good.  Suddenly, I feel a hand grab onto my ankle.  Okay, back to panic mode.  I shake off the hand and pick up the speed a bit to get away from the potential grabber.  Back into a rhythm, I reach the first buoy and make a left hand turn.  Woohoo!  1/3 of the way done.  My eyes are still closed at this point and I decide to take a peek underwater to see what's in front of me.  Big mistake - huge fish directly in front of me.  Eyes snap back shut and I continue using my sighting to see where I'm going.  A few folks decide to swim the wrong way and are almost swimming on top of me so I once again pick up the speed a bit to get away from them.  I round the second buoy and head for the shore.  I've passed a lot of green caps, which was the wave before me. As I come into shore, I pick up the speed a bit and start kicking to get the blood flowing in my legs and.....CRAMP.  What???  I never cramp when swimming.  What the hell is this???  I can't have my calf cramping now, I still have to bike and run.  WTF.  Stop kicking, cramp subsides for the most part.  I glide into shore, stand up and get ready to run (okay, walk briskly) to T1.  I see my husband then I hear some crazy lady screaming my name and cheering. 

It's Joni!  She came to cheer me on!!!  I'm excited but I'm also a little oxygen deprived and the only thing I am aware of is someone in a Sparkleskirt on the side of the course.  I immediately think how I have to tell my best running buddy and skirt wearing cohort that I saw a Sparkleskirt at the triathlon.  Then the fog clears, I hear Joni saying that Cherie is here to cheer me on as well and realize the skirt wearer IS Cherie. I chuckle to myself, give Joni a wet hug and continue into T1 to get ready for certain death.  I mean, the bike course.
 
 
I had already decided I would be taking my time in transition.  I have not practiced transition, I'm not "racing" this triathlon and I need the extra few minutes to get my legs rested and consume some food.  I down a Huma gel, take a swig of water, dry off and get my cycling gear on.  Head out of T1 and right into the climb that starts across the street.  Here goes nothing.  I throw into my easiest gear and start to spin up the hill.  There is one brief flat spot a little over a mile up where I make sure to take a few swigs of my Tailwind.  The course immediately goes right back into a straight climb. I'm being passed by experienced triathletes and getting encouragement left and right (can they see how badly I'm sucking??  Is it that obvious?).  Those words, kind smiles and thumbs up help me to keep my legs moving.  My main goal for the bike was to NOT have to get off and walk up the initial hill.  As I hit the summit, it suddenly hits me....I didn't have to walk!!!  Wahoo!!!  I made it and yell out "F*ck yeah!".  Down a few more swigs of Tailwind and I'm ready to rock and roll.

I switch gears and get ready to fly down the hill on the backside that leads out to the turnaround.  I'm cruising and my legs are enjoying the break.  A few small hills here and there but nothing big and they are short.  I pass the small towns of Kingvale and Soda Springs where some of the townspeople are out, cheering everyone on.  I am thanking people left and right for volunteering or coming out to encourage us.  As I hit mile 8 or so, I pick up speed and am hauling ass down a nice, long decline.  I wonder to myself why the athletes on the other side of the road seem to moving rather slowly...I would soon find out, unfortunately.  I hit the turn around and head back towards Donner.  It immediately occurs to me - this is an incline and a rather long one.  Okay, drop back into my easy gear and start spinning.  And spinning.  My cadence is slowing and I'm already in my easiest gear. This is hard.  Why didn't anyone tell me about THIS part of the course???  I was so focused on that first 4 miles, I had no idea the backside was a total grinder and pretty much all uphill.  I would come around another corner and there would be yet another hill.  I thought to myself if I saw another hill, there would be tears.  Seriously.  I'm now contemplating how difficult it would be to roll into transition and tell them I wanted to do the Aquabike instead and be done.  I wasn't looking forward to having to run 6 1/2 miles after this death climb.  I hit mile 20 and after a quick glance at my Garmin, realize I will be nowhere near the 1:45-2:00 mark I had told hubby.  Oops. 

I start what I consider the best part of the bike - the 4 miles winding downhill to Donner Lake.  Gorgeous views as I hit 40mph on my way down to the transition.  What took me 45 minutes to get up probably took me 2 minutes to ride down.  Amazing.  That last part *almost* made the first 20 miles worth it.  Almost.

I roll to the bottom, put my foot down as required then hop back on and head over the entrance to transition.  I see my husband, he asks me how it was and my reply "the hardest thing I've ever fucking done" gets recorded on video. I'm so relieved to be done with the bike, amazed I made it without walking and happy to get my butt out of the saddle.  It will be days before I can sit comfortably. The longest I've ever been on my bike was about 1:30-1:45.  Today's ride took me 2:18 and my rear end is paying for it. Lesson #384 I've learned from this triathlon so far - spend more time in the saddle.  Lots more time. I've been humbled by the Donner bike course. Roll my bike into T2 and switch into my running shoes, down another Huma gel in preparation for the run then it's time to finish this thing.  I start to run. 

Nope.  A whole lotta nope there. Not doing brick workouts at all plus the cramping I had earlier in my calf are coming back to bite me in the ass.  I revert to a run/walk/run interval and keep that up throughout the entire 6.5 miles around Donner.  Joni joins me in the first part, riding next to me on my bike.  I can't tell you how happy it makes me to have my two buddies there to cheer me one, along with my wonderful husband. It gives me energy to have them there and I can't wait to see them on the other side of the finish.  Joni snaps a few photos, gives me some words of encouragement then rides back to the finish area to wait.  I'm being passed by all the half distance athletes on their first loop around Donner - they are making it look easy.  I'm envious.  I get passed by what would turn out to the first female finisher and you would never know she just rode 56 miles on that bike course. I head into Donner State park where families are camping and swimming - I briefly consider joining them for a hot dog and dip in the lake.  I know what's coming in a few minutes.  The nasty hill on the backside of the lake.  I'm happy I only have to run it once this time (during our marathon training, hitting that thing three times was torture).  Everyone is walking up that hill, even the elite looking athletes who are doing the half distance.  I am reassured by the fact that hill is making everyone walk.  I get to the top and see an aid station, where I head over to refill my water. Then I see the most glorious sight of all - potato chips.  A huge bowl of potato chips.  I don't usually eat potato chips, especially Ruffles because they are so salty.  But today?  I grab as big a handful as I can and stuff them into my mouth as the helpful volunteer is going over all the goodies available for the taking.  I don't care about the licorice, the gels, etc.  Give me more potato chips. I wash them down with a few swigs of water and get going again.  At this point, I feel like I'm the only one out on the course still but I know the half distance athletes still have to make another loop. The rolling hills aren't too horrible but at this point, I'm ready to be done.  I want food.  I want a Coke.  And I want to lay down.  But I keep trucking along, walking and running, running and walking.  I see cars driving by with their bikes already loaded and know that I'm still out on the course while these folks have finished, celebrated, packed up and are driving home. It's a bit demoralizing but at the same time, I think to myself "next time, I train and train appropriately".  I suddenly hear the race announcer and know I am close.  I shuffle along and turn right into the beginning of the chute. Make a left and there it is....the finish.  OMG.  I'm going to actually finish this thing.  An Olympic distance triathlon.  No matter that I am *pretty sure* I'm DFL in the Oly distance.  I don't care.  I cross the finish and start to cry.  They give me this small, rather plain medal but at that point, it's more beautiful than any Disney medal I've ever gotten. This represents mind and heart.  What I lacked in physical ability, I made up for with my heart and soul.  I didn't let myself get defeated by my head. 

I hug my husband and friends.  It warms my heart to have these ladies here and it means the world to me to have my husband here.  I wouldn't be able to do these races or train the way I do without his support. We stand around chatting for a few, cheer the first female finisher for the half distance then I realize I'm starving and my legs hurt. I say goodbye to Cherie and Joni then head into transition to gather up my things.  As we pile into the car and head out of Donner, I realize I'm capable of so much more than I think and anything is possible if I believe in myself.  I didn't have a lot of goals for this race but the ones I did have, the most important ones....well, those are the ones I met.  I wanted a 33 minute swim and I did that - easily and without much effort. Goal #1 met.  I didn't want to have to get off my bike and walk up that damn hill.  And I didn't.  Goal #2 met.  But most of all, I wanted to finish and have the desire to come back and do it again. Goal #3 met. It is at this moment, I think about my coach and how she always believes in me, no matter what.  I knew she wasn't exactly thrilled I had registered for this in the midst of marathon training but she supported me and did what she could to help me prepare for this with her words of encouragement. Caolan believed in me until I was able to believe in myself.  She's taught me that running is more than just our bodies.  It's what is in our minds and hearts as well. 

This triathlon has reignited a desire that I suspected was there all along.  I am ready to switch my focus from long distance running to triathlons.  I'm ready to make a commitment and complete a half Ironman distance next year.  I have to keep my focus on my immediate goals, which is completing the Portland and New York marathons 28 days apart.  That will be my biggest challenge yet.  After New York, I have to sit down and figure out what I want from 2016 and how I will go about getting it. At this point, I have no idea. Donner has given me enough confidence to get through these two marathons, no matter what.  Life has no limits.  We impose our own limits sometimes and it keeps us from doing the very things we desire out of fear.

....and almost 2 years later.....

I stink at updating this thing.  Surprising since I am so intimate with my computer and being online.  My last post was September 2013 and I believe I was getting ready to embark on marathon training in preparation for CIM 2013.  That never happened.  Ended up with an Achilles injury around November and smartly withdrew from the race. Decided to change coaches and ended up with an online coach who has enriched my life far beyond just running.  I DID complete a marathon last year in Portland but it didn't go as planned (does life ever?).  Just prior to the race, I had a brief relapse in sobriety after changing jobs in an effort to chase after more money and "prestige". That found me isolating from those I had grown close to, skipping meetings, hiding from my sponsor, working nights with little sleep during the day and struggling through marathon training as a result.  I ran the marathon but was not "present" for that experience.

I'm blessed to say I am back on track and looking forward to another chance in Portland - to experience a marathon the way it should be experienced.  I won't be running for myself this time. I will be running Portland for Pops.  My father-in-law passed away after a courageous and lengthy battle with leukemia so I will be running in his honor and memory. He approached life much like one should approach a marathon - with tenacious courage and strength even through adversity.  He "ran the mile he was in" and looked at what needed to be done at that time, not worrying and focused on what was down the road. The loss of my father-in-law will be felt deeply by all those who loved and knew him.

Life is meant to be lived fully and completely.  We aren't promised tomorrow and "later" may never come.  I am going to work at keeping this blog updated with my training and tribulations in life - there are things around the bend for which I am excited. Not just to add that sticker to my car (okay, I am guilty of that as well) but to face my fear and "do it anyway".  My conversations with my Higher Power are deepest in those moments when I'm training or in the middle of a difficult race - where I want to quit so badly - where I think I can't and I'm not good enough. I am able to look inside myself and realize I have an amazing God who is there along for the ride. I'm not an overly religious person and prefer to think in terms of spirituality.  But I do have a favorite verse from the Bible that will become my mantra over the next year or so.  Hebrews 12:1 - And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. My father in law did that. He ran his race that God set out for him and did so with quiet dignity and strength. My intention is to honor that strength and bring him along for my miles over the next year, tackling two marathons and a half Ironman.  I welcome the company on this journey, both from my father-in-law's spirit and from my Higher Power. Life is meant to be lived. Your dreams are out there, waiting for you - go get 'em!